The Circle Continues

 Heightened energy alert!!! voom voom voom voom.. thoughts flying out a mile a second, sound trying to keep up to the speed of the words, all the while the mind feeling as though it is sauntering through the day at a pleasant pace. Disclaimer alert: vibes may be running at a high frequency. There is no need to apologize. 
 I find it astonishing that there is always a difference. A difference in perception, a difference in action and different ways to internalize. What you think, I may have never thought and what I think you may never know. Language is used as a way to communicate our thoughts and ideas. So often, I feel that there are not enough words to express the range of emotions that can be experienced within a day. To have a day of absolutes would be a day of flat lines. 
 I love the specs of random wisdom that so gracefully sweep me off my feet and allow a focal point to ponder.. I find that these moments give the "wow factor of simplicity" offering a foothold onto the next step. Recently, I was told "Some people are too stuck in the past, too stuck in the future or too stuck on the now and there needs to be balance between them all." I have honestly never considered that someone could be "too" stuck in the now. I thought that was the place we were intended to be. But on further dissection I began to understand that being too involved in the now may lead to a loss of direction of where we can be headed. 
 Being too much of anywhere can allow for avoidance, disregard and distraction of what is around us. We could be so focused on the ball that we may never notice the pothole in front of us... Sometimes I guess, we are intended to get a little dirty so we can wipe ourselves off, grumble and swear under our breath blaming the pothole like it is it's fault that we fell, all the while thinking of a time when life was a little easier. Hahahahahahaha. 
 I think that there will always be the fabled memory of an easier time: the fairy tale of the long long ago's where chivalry was alive and well, where mermaids swam the open seas, where youth respected their elders and people held hands singing in unison hoping for the future. Thank goodness mermaids are real.

Ai Ai Sailor

 Being surrounded by love and goodness is beyond amazing; it is beautiful. I have been under the impression that it is the people who matter who matter, but when confronted with the explanation as to why, a friend of mine replied with, "the people who matter give meaning." They give meaning to life, to solidarity, to exploration and to purpose.
 The people that surround us are the people we are learning from, who are teaching us, who are providing us the opportunities to challenge ourselves and are a part of our evolvement.
 Those that we love may be the people that frustrate us often, may be the most difficult to confront or are the ones that mirror our own downfalls... but at the end of the day they are the ones that laugh at our jokes, knowingly smile at our ridiculousness and pick us up when we need it the most. These are the people that know our true intentions and value what we have to offer.
 This not always an easy-fun loving-ode to the world partnership, but rather a growing experience that can allow each person the freedom to understand and accept their part in the experience of life. The more we learn the more we can inspire.
 To truly understand our individuality and own our 'self' provides an opportunity for others to accept who they are without the need to compare and judge what they have to offer against everyone else. Everyone has a gift. Some gifts may be more obvious than others, but who doesn't like a treasure hunt?
 Life is quest so I salute you all.

Night Bubble

 Dreams: the nighttime stories of cryptic messages and enchanted possibilities, where anything is possible and control is limited. The ideal place of escape while being in the comforts of your own bed... running away from the thing that scares you the most, facing the fear you would never want to face or acting out your deepest desire without the consequences. Hmmm, dreams are funny. 
 I remember as a small child I believed that I was a character in a story book and the moment I went to sleep the reader has closed the book. I remember believing that my dreams were my actual conscious experience. I don't really understand why this was, but I honestly felt that dreams made more sense; I mean, if I wanted to fly I would fly, if I was under water I would breathe and if something scary was happening I could just open my eyes and it would be gone. What I have begun to realize is just because I have opened my eyes it does not mean the experience is over. 
 I find it amazing that a dream can create an emotional reaction that can carry through the day... it is weird, so strange, that nothing that anyone really did can create a sensation of loss, hope or excitement through the waking life! I have decided that these moments allow for a conversation to occur of what fear, desire or insecurity may be living within yourself.. all aspects of a dream are really aspects of ourselves that are being played out in circumstances that make it easier to understand. The main objective is to stay objective and not take it personal. It is not like someone is creating our dreams for us, we are resolving ourselves within our own mind... and it is never to be taken seriously; but rather as symbols and opportunities.
 Be mindful of how you treat others when you are awake... carrying over a reaction from the sleepers plane has nothing to do with the person next to you and if you treat them so it can turn sideways and too dimensional. How confusing that conversation can be.
 The cool thing about the dream daze transition to the morning haze is the realization that a dream is the place of night time resolution allowing a restart and disposal of chaotic thoughts. It is our safe place to play, solve and fly... a mini movie that plays only for us. Imagine what others would say if they could witness what we see when we sleep.

Kind of Act

 Kindness is a beautiful thing. To witness an act of kindness reminds me that people are conscious and aware of their surroundings and witnessing the look of surprise and gratitude that overloads a persons face on the receiving end of a kind act makes me smile. I love love and I love seeing people happy. Being able to provide a moment where someone feels heard, understood and appreciated is an amazing part of life. If life is worth living, I think that providing others with the time to enjoy theirs is an important aspect. 
 How dull life would be if I was the only person happy all of the time. Imagine riding the merry go round with a whole lot of solemn faces starring back at you! It would be uncomfortable... extremely uncomfortable. I am not sure about you but I am not a fan of being uncomfortable. To be fair, I would rather be cozy most of the time...... if I could wear scarfs through the summer without passing out from heat exhaustion I may just do it. 
 When I walk into a room where there is a heaviness looming I can not help but want to try to make it lighter; however, I do understand it is important to check myself and look at my personal motives before trying to force the "thrill of glory" in another persons life. "Hey hey hey... you want to be happy right now.. look at everything you have to be thankful for, the trees, the clouds, the squirrels.. it is sooooo beautiful"......"Well, if it is so beautiful why don't you take the beauty and shove it in your face!"
 Sometimes, people need to experience their lows before they can move onto the up and up... and to be aware of the difference in individual processing is a kind act. Kindness is so nice. And like a friend in the glorious land of Scotland said to me "it is nice to be nice." which I completely agree with and these are the reasons why:

1. Kindness creates a sharing and caring environment that can make people smile
2. Smiling people generally look happy and happiness is contagious
3. Happy people generally laugh; which is also contagious.. especially if the person is a snorter!
4. Kindness is free which is a massive bargain.
5. And whoever knows me knows a bargain is priceless!

 

Fairy Dust

 Thanks, thanks, thanks, to all the beautiful people in the world that ride that golden wave of goodness... Your ability to spread the love, share the laughs and participate in the fun is more than appreciated, it is fully needed!! In a society that mirrors dissatisfaction and evokes judgment, a safe haven of good times and good vibes is a carnival of gratefulness that washes away the weight of pressures. I thank the universe for all you crazy, bright eyed, adventurous, buzz seeking individuals that litter the paths for the masses to enjoy...(a special thanks to my ever entertaining other half)
 I don't know about you but whenever I hear people express loneliness I cant help but consider the following: We came into this world alone, we leave this world alone, we all experience loneliness at some point or another.... which says to me in loneliness is a sense of community, a universal understanding. 
 A bigger dilemma I see is the constant need to compare - "if you thinks that's bad listen to this" - which really only seems to create a resistant bubble of sadness, heart ache and misery.... almost like the NEWS. I understand there is disgusting, irreversible and indescribable events taking place all over the world. And it sucks, it sucks a lot.... but the constant feed of all the shitty shit that people do is perpetuating the fear that we seem to be comfortable living in and separating us from real life! "As long as I am understandably afraid I don't need to question because the answer is right there.... on the TV."
 Even though I don't agree with everything I see on the media surge I am reminded that those are people on the screen... human beings who struggle, resist, laugh and love and who are most likely just as lost as the rest of us. It is up to us, as individuals, to inquire. We are the only ones that can explore our own cleverness, question what doesn't sit right and live our lives. The goal: be able to maneuver around the trap of "wanting" to be someone else. If I had to watch the same show day in and day out I would probably just turn off the T.V. So thanks to all you odd balls out there... you add a little hiccup and a lot of spice to the daily program.

Hone in to the Tea

 Honesty is a strong word, full of foundation, strength, integrity and intimidation. To be completely honest with who you are and where you come from can be an intense journey. It is not easy remembering to check in with yourself to be clear on the position in which you really stand for. I don't know about everyone else but I know for myself sometimes I get so excited that I get caught up with whatever is going on around me that all of a sudden I am floating out somewhere I never knew existed... kicking myself, because I never really wanted to be there and now I am stuck. Lesson, I guess. Damn, constant lessons coming up when I least expect them. A reminder from the outside saying "There is lots to learn." And to be fair, there is a lot to learn, so much so, that I look forward to the years and the teachings that will come of it. 
 I am perplexed by the moments of an absolute thought that says "Yes, I get this" to all of a sudden a few years later the "conviction" is overturned to a "Hmmmmmmm.. Oh, okay.... now I see." Pretty humbling being awaken to the honesty of the situation, thought, dilemma or perception. We never really know what can come of the future and what will be retold of the past. Memories are a subjective and colourful view on a skew of situations; hopefully, creating more understanding of the variety and complexity of an event, sensation or idea. 
 What I love about an individual world snap shot is that it premises a well rounded overall picture granting an "Aha" moment where people can conceptualize and identify with (somewhat)... and if an agreement can not be made a discussion can follow suit which may allow for an compromise to come to play. I feel that if everyone agreed with everything that everyone said all the time there has to be some massive ego stroking going on... Seriously who agrees with everyone all the time? Differences are what makes us grow.           
 Differences can inspire us in either direction: cultivating what is desirable in a specific trait or creating an aversion to facilitate reason and motivation to be something different. To come to any of these places we as individuals have to be honest to ourselves about who we are and what we really want. 
 Sometimes, that inner voice of honesty is a quiet and shy place that is overpowered by the need to fit in... but if you give that little voice the opportunity of space, and provide it the fuel it needs to grow, it will knock down the "self deprecating-need to keep up-need to be better" persona that lives somewhere on most of our shoulders. The key is being honest in who we are and being okay with what we have to say about ourselves; because, if we already know what we got to do to be where we want to be nothing anyone else can say will falter our mysterious ways!

Let It Walk

 Standing up is not the easiest thing to do. Imagine being a baby.. it is not like we all of a sudden rose straight legged with a bolstering power that enabled a strong stride to wherever our little baby feet wanted to go... No, no, no, no!!! We started off small. We rocked ourselves back and forth, we observed our surroundings, we sat up tall, crawled or scooted our little baby butts about... possibly holding our parents hand and then over time we started one step at a time; moving ourselves in a direction that our body gravitated too. I have always wondered about baby shoes and what they are honestly needed for? If they are all about keeping little wee toes warm, I would suggest doubling up on baby socks. It would bring the costs down. However, that is a side thought. 
 What I am really trying to get at is: Standing up for something that a person believes in, needs to say or is driven to do takes time. There may be moments of anxiety, fear, anticipation, frustration, hope, joy, exhaustion and finally peace. Peace that the time has come to do what you need to do that makes you, you! Sometimes, I hear people say, "I have no idea where that came from!" but I am under the assumption that movement has always been in motion. The steps may have been inconsistent, irrational, quiet or shuffled but they were there non-the-less... making way for "The Moment!"
 I find it amazing that as beings in this existence there is this unshakable "knowing-ness". It can be difficult to explain and sadly it can be exploited; however, when the true "knowing" presents itself there is a confidence and understanding that walk hand in hand. There is a look in a person's eye that says "this is important" and for that life to move on while being a better person in anothers "this" has to be dealt with. My dad calls this the "it" that binds, and when the "it" is gone freedom is found. Every persons 'thing' may be completely counter to the next persons, but I feel that we understand what surrounds it and  can sense the lightness that proceeds after it's weight has been expelled. 
 Feelings are feelings but, holy shit balls, can they ever weigh a ton. Thankfully, we live in a reality where free will exists and there are so many options that we can become extremely creative in the way that we release and deal with our issues.............. The more we overcome ourselves the more we understand others can overcome themselves. 
 I keep noticing statements like "we need to believe in ourselves"... My question is... what if someone believes that they are utter shit? Do we want them to believe that? or do we want people to believe in the greatness that lives within all of us? Some days the goodness may feel dormant, but the more we dig, the deeper we go, the more we know there is a little bit of stardust in all of us! Which explains why we can be a little spacey from time to time.

Ying Yang Highway

 Reflecting on characters, qualities and feedback a major theme that comes to mind is: Intense. The intensity of presence, the intensity of thought and the intensity of speed. Zoom zoom goes the race car. I have been told that certain people can take up a lot of space while others bear witness as the wallflowers of their surroundings. One is sensing their environment from an observational standpoint while the other jumps in, wading in, the experience that already is. Whose to say which experience is more beneficial. 
 I feel that if you had too much of one and not enough of the other balance would be lost and the appreciation of either quality could turn into resentment and possibly boredom. In boredom we are naturally driven towards some sort of creative expression to move forward and explore the differences that are so essential to external and internal discovery. 
 The more we grasp about ourselves the more the world makes sense. The more we know about intention the more we can understand motivation and the more that motivates us our purpose is identified. I wonder if discovering a place of silence and solitude premises a space of elevated internal conflict; whereas the desire to experience chaos may forcefully quiet the internal chatter. How backwards and strange the manifestations of reality can be. 
 Maybe those who say nothing have a continuous rambling in their mind and have not decided where or how to expel the thoughts that linger; while those that babble on are lost in the rhythm and vibration of sound seeking an extreme escape from the mouth... forever questioning which way is the "right" way.
 For those that want to dance in the land of intensity.. who want to experience the build up of the groove only to get thrown with the beat of madness... take out those glow sticks and fist pump to the air like there is no tomorrow. Sweat the bullshit away and remember that all the distinctly different and beautiful worlds can live together thriving in the opposite of the other. Life is an interesting array of wonder; No two stories are the same and whatever magic you lay down someone out there will pick up, stoked that they have found the winning ticket!

The Title

 The world of Labels. From ketchup bottles and maple syrup to yuppie's and drifters. I see why there is a need to label some things; for instance, if hot sauce had no label it may be confused for something else and that could be an intense surprise. I can even understand the sectioning of different kinds of music, as it can be very overwhelming, especially if you don't have an idea of what you are looking for. Creating a glossary of categories can allow the convenience to find an idea of what you may be looking for... A nudge in the right direction.
 I am not so committed to the idea of labeling individuals as that box may be a frustrating place to get out of... and what if the box does not coincide with all facets of a persons beliefs, qualities and goals? What if that box segregates a person to a carved out path that does not jive with their own personal truth? And what if that stereotype diminishes their hope convincing them they could never be more? Will they ever be allowed out of that box? If change is constant how is it possible to conclude with a definite classification?
 I had personally enjoyed the convenience of a label when it came to understanding the world around me... a quick fix of a generalization allowed me the opportunity to research, enabling a further understanding, of what we are all involved in.
 For instance, if I want a good pair of shoes... I may run with a well known brand as it may represent high quality... but where does the status of high quality come from? Does it come from those that are marketing it, the one that have designed it, the image that it represents or from the actuality of the product? Who knows. I wonder if we take the time to decide for ourselves if we like what we like or if we say we like what we do because we feel we have too.... or if it is just too much bother to argue?
 So needless to say, I am looking at labels as opinions. I refuse to believe that an entire person can be understood by a "logo". I feel that a label may provide a bit of insight on what a person has potentially gone through, what is needed and how to better accommodate them, but to be categorized into a particular box and dismiss a person based on a "tag" that has been assumed is just too simple... and I have no doubt that we are more creative than that.

Life Saver

 When sitting here trying to decide what to write about I draw blanks. I start thinking about what would read well, what is interesting, have I written about this before? does it matter if I wrote this concept previously? who am I trying to impress??? Oh yeah, I write it because I like it. It feels nice to have my thoughts down in some form of text. It creates a form of alphabetical disposal to somewhere else alleviating the constant thought bubble from my mind. I wonder if all the thoughts that live in my imagination that are swimming to all corners of my consciousness are ever forgotten or lost? I kind of think that they like to hide in some weird ass crevasse of my head only to explode out at the most undesirable time... potentially translating into frenzied images while I sleep. Either way, I sense that when "it" is expressed, in whatever means, I have expelled the 'space' allowing opportunity for new ideas to  warrant exploration.

 I love thinking. I feel like thinking exercises the neuron-transmitters and oils up the pathways of the chaotic highway (we call the brain) allowing for the opportunity to understand a variety of situations in an array of possibilities. The problem is getting lost in thought. And I don't mean getting lost in 'a thought', I mean truly getting consumed by thought... it can be such a disorientating place. To be neither here nor there but thinking you are in both is frustrating... almost like when you are dreaming and everything around you is familiar but when you wake up confusion sets in. "I must have been dreaming seeing as I am in my bed... but hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm what if?" then the thinking happens all over again. 

 Which leads me to ponder the glamorized life of a philosopher... sitting up on that hill, wearing a cloak, laying underneath the sun and the stars discussing thoughts, theories and ideas while engrossing yourself with conclusions, hypothesis and hypotheticals.... It could be an interesting form of employment... Knowing me I would probably daydream the entire day away. Just imagine what your days off would look like: there is no way you could 'normally relax'. Relaxation would most likely consist of intensely energized infused activity, in hopes to tire you out in preparation for the 'sit and think' for the upcoming work week ahead. What if it were possible to get thinkers block? Would that create peace of the mind? I don't know about you but I could go on forever. The way I look at it is : To wonder is wander and I am constantly getting lost! So, thank goodness for my backpack and my partner in crime; without these two things life would be messy and not nearly as fun!

Hidden Gem's

 A little piece of heaven can potentially reside in between the cracks of everyday.... some days are a little more difficult to distinguish but it is there; even if it may be hiding. Do you ever become stunned and unable to comprehend the beauty when there is too much beauty around? For me it is almost like an overload... overly stimulated with the awesome that is surrounding me to the point that I can not fully take in the experience.
 This is why I like cities. Nature is beyond beautiful.. astonishing, bewildering, wild and magical. A sense of serenity proceeds it at every angle.. but a city... oh those glorious man made messes of the world.. littered in peoples thoughts, vandalized with eye opening art and cluttered with noise noise noise noise: absolute pure insanity!!! Only to walk down the street, meandering in a lost alley, saturated with a cool dampness, to discover vines and the life breaking through the cracks of the cement. That shit amazes me!! Nature has won! No matter the strength, congruity and creation that people are capable of creating, the world keeps doing it's thing. From it's rawest and most purest form, the flexibility of a vine with it's innate persistent to reach the sun, nothing will get in it's way. 
 On the other hand we seem to constantly get in our own way. I have heard that "we are our own worst enemy," many times. We can stop ourselves from moving towards our goals, we question our ability, we question those around us, we may believe that we as an individual can not make a difference and we may tell ourselves that we even if we tried we may fail. And truth be told we may fail... but what really is failure anyway? Is it not getting exactly what we want, the way we want it, or the way we expect a certain outcome to be? I am starting to believe each failure is a block allowing us the opportunity to turn around, look at what is going on and to re-evaluate the necessity of the preconceived outcome. If we can be our own worst enemy I am pretty sure that we are capable of being our own biggest fan. 
Who needs fan letters when you are already a rock star?

Mountain Climber

 Stepping outside the delusion of mainstream society is an awkward path. The constant revelations and understandings of how interactions proceed are colourful observations. I wonder sometimes if what we are passionate about is really our passion or if it is an "ability" that we showcase? Sometimes I love discussing topics with another person to watch the topic grow, to witness it reach new levels and create a conclusion that I have never reached! All the while achieving the utmost purpose: To Learn. 
 I have recently noticed that some people do not like these kind of conversations. I was completely unaware of the desire to "be right" over being taken to new heights of thought. The intention is never to harm, belittle or oppress but rather to wake up. I love the wild and wonderful construct of conversation and how it can lead to a place of unknown with surges of inspiration weaved through the topic; whirlwind of emotions fly out as each topic is reviewed, absorbed and projected back out with a "YEAH YEAH YEAH" or a "What What What???"... I find it interesting how we can become offended due to the attachments we can have to our thoughts, actions and feelings. 
 We think our thoughts, act our actions and feel or feelings; however, I do not think we are meant to be forever tied down to these concepts. I get the impression that we are building towards something and all of the tools we cultivate lead us a little closer to the top! I just don't believe we are expected to take everything we have accumulated with us because:
1. It is too freaking heavy 
2. We can only carry so much and 
3 When we get to where we are going we are probably not going to need all the bullshit. 
To Live, To Learn and to Let Go. Take what you have too, donate what you can and be open to the idea's of others.... they may provide the golden nugget you've been looking for.
----Russell Brand is on to something!

Fall Fever

 Red, Brown, Yellow and Green: the colours of fall are upon us. Foggy mornings, misty afternoons, visible breath and arm warmers are the way of the day! Man, I love this time of year. The time when layers upon layers are pure comfort... when staying at home to watch movies and bake cookies feels like the escape and when warm drinks are forever drinkable!
 The torrential downpour of chestnuts corrupt the city and the smell of spice hits the air. I know summer is amazing, but autumn is just brilliant. The ability to see the fog of your breath and smell the dampness of the earth is just too cool.... remembering the days of being little and feeling super bad ass as you smoked your invisible cigar while pretending to be an actor of your own adult future! I still pretend I am smoking that imaginative cigar... it just goes down sooooo smooth, how could you not?!
 The puddles glimmer from the reflections from the cars racing home, the day turns to night quicker and quicker while an understanding that pumpkin is within our grasps over the next few months repeats like a mantra. Hibernation is in the air people! Time to celebrate the slow and restfulness of the season... build a fort, drink a latte, laze about in your pajama's... not everyone in the world experiences a full blown fall so take advantage of it, roll about in the murkiness of the maple leaves: get in touch with your dirty side!

Full Bellied Blunders

 Experiencing the feeling of gratitude and thankfulness after gorging on a delicious meal surrounded by characters and loved ones is absolute sweetness. Not to say the whole dinner is capitalized on love, manners and sweet talk but rather full of teasing, fun and continued roles... I now understand that there are some people in my life that bring the "not so bright" Amber and it does not matter how much time has elapsed I will always fall back to 'wrong word, strange comments and confused looks' type of character. I guess the important thing is the ability to be okay with where you stand. As long as you know there is a game playing it is not really a game but a choice... and sometimes it is just more fun to play along. I love it when everything is life makes sense and there is the comfort of knowing that all is exactly where it is meant to be. 
 I have come to accept that fairness is not always about being equal and being equal is not about being the same. There is no possible way that life is going to work itself out the same way as your best friends and there is no way you are going to be fated to the same existence as your family. Situations may play out and paths may be easier to follow but that does not mean we have to take the same route; that is like saying, "well because that happened to my great great great great uncle obviously the same thing is going to happen to me"..... what?! what the hell does that mean??? You are trying to tell me that because something happened to someone in your blood line 80 plus years ago that you are doomed or righted to the same situations and opportunities as that person? No way!! So much has changed in 80 years alone that the environmental factors are going to create other variables to a somewhat similar situation. Blame is effortless......... and messy. 
 I don't know about you but I sure do enjoy a tidy reality.. I love knowing where I am at, where my shoes are, who I can count on and that I have no one to blame but myself. That way I can only be frustrated with me! Because I know there is something I can do about it. For instance I can put my keys in the same place everyday, fold my socks up together, always have cereal in my cupboard and laugh when shit gets difficult because "This too shall pass." 
....... Well.... one thing that really gets me going is the air-plane mode on a mobile phone... I mean if the pilot says have the phone off... Have it off!! Otherwise I may loose my shit and the other guy is to blame.

Verbalism

 To fully come to grasps with reality can be overwhelming... not necessarily exhausting, but a definite sense of intensity can overcast the epiphany. It amazes me that there are two sides, and two very valuable sides, to every situation. I don't understand how one person can be unnerved by another while the other is just as rightly annoyed for very valid reasons. It makes no sense.. just like how two negatives magically make a positive. 
 The interesting thing is that there are copious realities  occurring with millions of differing opinions that include personalized attachments... which give each opinion a life force and momentum of it's own. 
 Have you ever noticed how you can just start talking, not even really knowing what you are talking about, and words keep coming out that make complete sense...compelling words that contain such  passion that you yourself are a bit stunned and curious as to what you will say next? Like, where the hell does that crap come from? Listening to the ramblings of the mind can be an eye opening predicament.
 For instance, what if you don't fully agree with this new found thought that erupted from your mouth.... do you play along with it and pretend as though you stand by "it"? Feeling as though there should be a sense of ownership and entitlement that must be accompanied with the skew of words that fell from your face? Or do you just confess to the outstanding amount of bullshit that graciously left you dumb founded and confused? Or are you meant to stand there in silence never stating your opinion or thought for fear that it may be rejected or offensive. I have no clue what the "right" answer is. 
 All I can really say is that this world will constantly surprise me, I will continuously surprise myself and others will provide a whirlwind of amazement... and to be completely honest I am excited to hear what shit comes tumbling out of my mouth!

Sandwich Artist

 Returning back to the place that you are from can have an array of emotions tied into it. Comfort: for the fact that you know your way about, Predictability: as you have a clue of what the outcome could look like and Effort: in the sense that it is the place where old memories and people come back into play. My man says that "Maybe home is your lesson, while the rest of the world is your life." I could not agree more. Being back in the place that you identify as your teenage experience can be an interesting exercise. Emotional exercise if I am being completely fair. The push ups of the heart, the drop of the stomach, the anticipation of the nervous system and the running of the mind; it is a pretty eventful circuit, if I do say so myself, leaving you breathless at the end.
 A place to deal with the demons and become victorious over your own personal scars. I remember I used to think being selfish was a purely negative thing; however, I have come to believe that if your selfishness comes from a place to make yourself a stronger more full person then you are automatically taking the rest of the civilization into consideration, as being kind to yourself will allow you the skills to be kind to others. If each of us spent a little more time doing what we wanted and allowing others to do what they want while being under the simple concept of kindness I think that things would work out just fine. Respect is treating people the way they want to be treated and being honest with what is going on. Intention creates motivation and motivation brings forth action. If you want to be loved, be love; if you want kindness, be kind and if you want to hear the truth; speak the truth. 
 Isn't communication intended to be a way for us to express who we really are and what we are seeking in the most honest of ways possible? How can you ever get what you want if you are unable to present clearly and honestly what you are looking for? It is like going to a sandwich shop and saying "I want a cheese sandwich" but really you are looking for a chicken sandwich.... how is anyone ever to know... I mean ask for your chicken sandwich, it may not come out exactly how you assumed it would, but you will get it. Instead of containing lettuce, tomato, mayo and pepper, it may have avocado, red pepper and mustard.. but it can still be beautiful. I feel if we are so stuck on a certain "look" we will miss the awesome of what is really being offered to us.. That is how I look at life.. throw your intentions out to the world and be surprised at what gifts come back to you. You know them when they arrive. I am so thankful my gift has a Scottish accent, bright eyes and curiosity that adds insight into my life. 

Sunshine on a rainy day

 The day after is an awakening time. The place where objective thoughts and realistic revelations come to play; the day when emotions have seized to be the reactionary impulse and calmness resides. I like these kinds of mornings. The mornings where I have come back to myself and allowed the uncertainty to pass by, where the excitement for the day festers and the optimism that the days  following are going to be an adventure. It just such a nice place to be. Lightness and ease is the name of the game. When the sun is shinning it does not matter if there is rain outside. Turn the rainy day into the puddle jumping ditch diving playground it can be. It is so easy to sound so hopeful when things are going right, but man it is a challenge to switch the thought process when a rough patch has hit. 
 Even the thought 'to think positively' pisses off the depressed mind. There is those moments when it feels so patronizing to try to "pretend" that things are okay, and then there is the annoyance that no one is picking up on the "fake pretend happy good mood." And the circulation of frustration continues. I feel like as individuals we are aware of what can potentially make us smile; however, there is this motivation to want to be angry.  Have you ever had that moment when you were upset and someone made you laugh and you got more pissed off?? How does that make sense... what is the need to continue to be in the heavy state of mind. Isn't the best way to deal with any friction is to be outside of it for a second and look at it from a distance... that way objectivity can remain and to take things personally does not even have to exist. And laughter dammit is the best form of medicine.. laughter is our own personal 'tap in' that produces endorphins. People spend a shit load of money on drugs and extra curricular activities for the release of these fun loving buggers, and we can get it for free... The pharmaceutical company is a smart system. Tricky, tricky!
 Fill the body, brain and heart with the good stuff and watch the magic unfold. Punch a punching bag, wrestle until you're tired, bake some cookies, enjoy an extremely colourful salad... to be fair, all those colours in one place got to do something good to the inside of you... do whatever you need to do that makes you you. Behind the clouds the sun is always shinning so lets start flying. 

Inner Workings

 When life gives you lemons paint that shit gold. The words of atmosphere. Everything is perception; perception based on previous experience, thought process, assumptions, hope and fears. It is like when you go outside first thing in the morning to discover the rain pouring down, you see a pile of dog crap in your yard and you realize you haven't put the coffee on. The day is over before it even began. On the other hand, if you pause long enough to raise your head up out of your gloomy misery you may notice that the clouds are shifting allowing the glow of the sun to break through, or that your neighbour is coming over with a doggy bag to remove that pile of crap and as you put your hand in your pocket you remember that your coffee card has been punched enough times that your next visit is a FREEBIE. Everyone loves a freebie!
 Life keeps on living even when you close the door. The movie keeps rolling even if your hands are over your eyes... and we all know that eventually we are going to peek to get a glimpse of what is going on outside of us. There is no real way of telling how things are ultimately going to play out, but at the end of the day it is going to play out. A friend of my once said it is so difficult to swim upstream, but if you let go you just flow. 
 To truly understand that "control" is a man made term, and to realize that "control" is an absolutely absurd concept,  is freedom. The freedom to accept that the only thing constant in life is change, and with change comes a lot of diversity, and with diversity comes a lot of opportunity. Opportunity to discover what we are made of, what matters and who matters. There will always be questions.. and knowing me I am going to try to uncover as many of the answers as possible... only to study and ask more questions. My man says that happiness is "peace of mind". I was blown away, as I seriously thought "peace of mind" really meant "I will give you a piece of my mind" and being under this assumption I had no problem telling myself where to go and how to get there. However, being the type of person to examine and analyze I now understand that happiness is the ability to become friends with your mind.

And did you know?? In the thesaurus a synonym for analyze is "to beat a dead horse"... Now, that is something to ponder.

Regular Occurances

 To fully comprehend the idea of "coolness" has taken me forever. I never really understood what the "in" crowd was all about, but I did get the urge to fit into it. I thought maybe it was about clothes, or music, or the way someone looked, or where people had been, maybe it was about money, or art or the ability to say what you were thinking without fubbing up the words. I was lost in the disillusion of the thought. And to be completely honest, I still don't have a fricking clue. 
 I have this compulsive need to reverberate any thought that graces my mind, an excitable energy that blows up any time something sparks my interests and this overwhelming motivation to discover. Self discovery seems to be the most significant of tasks. I have this unshakable belief that if I discover who I am, then I might have an idea of how the rest of humanity works. I figure, since I am human and there are a lot of humans out there....... there has to be a common link that we all can relate too somewhere or somehow. I feel like if I entrust myself into a variety of situations and atmospheres then I will have a template that will allow a broad understanding of what we are involved in. Needless to say, I have allowed myself to be the guinea pig of this project.
 The strange thing is that life is the guinea pig. I get the sense that we are all trying to understand on some level or another who we are, where we fit, why we feel this way, why we don't feel that way, what our purpose is and how the hell do we know if we are on the right path or not.... all the while enjoying the process. I mean seriously, we are living in a world where trees convert CO2 into oxygen, where there is enough gravity that enables us to walk about, where birds coast along the jet streams of the sky and where we can sit on a computer translating our thoughts into letters and posting them for the rest of the world to read..... and even if you are unable to understand the language that is being written there is a translator that will allow you to convert the message into one that is comprehensible to the reader. That shit is messed up.. and it is considered absolutely normal. 
 The way I look at it normalcy is a beautiful thing; and when I really think about it, whatever is "normally" going on is a complete miracle. It does not seem to matter much if we are classified as being: sexy, rich, poor, weird, awkward, wanderers, mathematicians, scientists or seekers; we are all exploring the same existence....just in a variety of colours. In reality, each and every single one of us started off in a ball sack and grew in a belly. If that's not cool I have no idea what is.

Bucket List

 Wowowowowowow.... when the opportunity presents itself and everything aligns, propelling you to take hold of the gold that is at a hands grasp away, it is BRILLIANT! Not only is there exhilaration that the moment has finally come, but also a surge of "wow, awesome, holy shit balls, I don't know how to fully process this" races through the mind. I can't believe I get to see Dave Chappelle.

The buzz

 Let's talk about being in love. That feeling that is indescribable but undeniable... you know that sensation that takes your heart, places into a safe haven and makes every moment seem so significant? I don't know what I can really say about love that has not been said before.. but I will try. For me love is that energy bursting sensation that seems to bounce in and out of my chest, that fills my thoughts with gratitude and appreciation. An honest friendship that thrives in laughter, play fighting and connectedness. It is that partner in crime that you are going to conquer the world with and surpass all personal expectations of expecting. It is the letting go and accepting the person as the person is and never waning to change them because whoever they are going to grow into is going to be magic. Obviously, there may be times of frustration, insecurity and vulnerability, but we are only human... these moments are the platforms that allow us the opportunity to get over the bullshit that may live somewhere deep inside of us.
 And trust me.. somewhere down there bullshit lives. My lord, is that shit ever annoying.... particularly annoying when, you thought, you had no real clue that it had been residing there for soooooo long; yet, when it pops it's ugly little face up you know exactly from which it came.... The moment of understanding repression and denial. "Oh, I know you... and now I have to deal with you... gross." I am under the assumption that when your mind is ready to deal with the realities of your personal misfortune the memory presents itself. So, I guess this could be considered positive as there is no way I would want to deal with that junk unprepared!
 Swimming the murkiness of the darkness can be a slow and daunting process; however, once it is done, you've done it and that is powerful. Not going to lie, the process may be scary, it may have a lot of 'feeling' involved with it but at the end of the day it can be resolved. Resilience and determination is part of our human nature, we evolve, we grow and we learn..... And by pampering ourselves with emotional band-aids full of compassion and truly forgiving ourselves while letting ourselves experience whatever emotion we need to live out is extremely freeing.
 Attaining the awareness that we are 'worth it' and that 'we are love' can sound so corny; but when we love ourselves enough and we can believe it when someone tells us the same, I  will take that corny shit any time. Especially, when I get to wake up too that amazing fun loving man of mine.

Cinema deconstruction

 Coming to personal understandings seems to never end. The ongoing 'ah ha' moments are continuously abundant and reminds me that there is no way, ever, that I am going to completely 'know' anything. I may have a vast understanding of 'it' at that particular moment, but that moment can slip between the seconds extremely fast. Almost like having a thought on the tip of your tongue... "oh oh oh I got it, I got it... nope, nope.... It's gone!" Only to resurface weeks later with the first thought that crosses my mind being: shit, why did I have to remember that now. Humbling experience I guess. Possibly it is the universes way of saying that things are not going to work out exactly the way 'we' have planned it, but it is going to work out some way or another and the answer will come... especially when you are no longer looking for it.
 Honestly, it is so amusing! I just can not get over all the random interactions, the strange song that comes on at the most convenient of times, the horn that honks just when a distraction is needed or the twinkle in that person's eye that tells me that I am crazy in the most endearing kind of way.  
 Life is only as dramatic as a person wants it to be. This is why I have always preferred comedies; shitty shit can happen in comedies too... but it is dealt with so differently.
 It could be that in a comedy it is known that by the end of the movie everything is going to work out in the best way possible that the viewer is able to relax; while in a drama who the hell knows what is going to happen. It is so intense, sporadic, jaw clenching and anxiety ridden that the viewer (particularly me) is on high alert. Intense excitement. I don't necessary feel that a drama is enjoyable excitement, but  rather a heightened excitement.. totally aware of every possible outcome that could potentially happen somewhere along the line. Then WHAM... The movie is over. My hands are sweaty, I am thankful to be alive, a little proud that I did not turn off the T.V. and an overwhelming sense of relief washes over me.
 Whereas, in a comedy there is a foreseeable playfulness and witty wisecracks which allows a constant flow of optimism to circulate  through my thoughts... while regular burst of laughter would act as remnants allowing any stresses that seemed so important and vital to fall away. All the while understanding that situations will always present themselves; it just depends if you want it dramatic or not. I for one choose comedies.. okay, maybe dramatic comedies.

 

Tolerate Uncertainty

 When it comes to having expectations I feel that disappointed is an outcome of a situation that I am not fully prepared for. Having an expectation is like a preconceived concept of 'ideally what I would like to see happen' and I go about my day thinking I have it all sorted out. Funny. Then real life happens. There are two ways it can go when being confronted with the real course of fate; First, I can accept the realities of what is going on - or - resist. To be a smooth and cool sister, I would love to say "I fully accept what comes my way and move with the ebb and flows of the day," (hahahahahaha) and for the most part I can agree with that.. but dude on those other days when my expectations were really high and boom boom boom my world crashes around me... I cave. I resist. Damn me, getting too caught up in my imagination and seeing only want I want to see rather than looking at what is actually going on.
 The only control I have in this world is my responses to a situation. To think I have any more control over anything else is absolutely silly. To be honest, we are living on a planet, floating in the universe, revolving around a hot circle of gas with shit whizzing by constantly.... and we think this is normal. It blows my mind. There is a completely different reality just outside of our earth bubble, so if I think more closely about it, there is also other individual reality's living outside of my personal bubble. Even the concept of expecting a certain outcome outside of myself seems flawed; if I can barely regulate and correspond my entire day to fit the entirety of what I want, how the hell can I even assume that I can organize another person? The craziest thing is people still try. 
 I generally believe that the intention behind what most of us do comes from a place of concern, love and hope... but it also comes from a place of fearing what would happen if we give in and let life takes it's 'natural' course. Trusting outside of ourselves can be a difficult choice, but the option is always there. 
 Say for instance I am worried about the 60 year old can collector.... I try to give him advice, tell him what to do and try to guide his decisions... really what I am saying is: How can you be satisfied with this life style, I don't think you are capable of dealing with what is going on and I have the answers that can help you. I wonder if I have even asked the guy in the first place, "Hey dude, are you alright?" or "Is there anything I can do to help you" or I could even have asked, "What have you learned about life that you want to others to know?" I mean, seriously, being alive for 60 years a person experiences a lot and I want to find out as much as I can about this existence we are living in. That is why I think comedy shows are so funny; laughing at the truth and reality of what is going on around us and making into a joke. Hilarious.

Free Flowing

 Bouncing my head, hearing live beats, witnessing the entertainers entertain while observing the inner workings of their mind is wicked. How and where did the surge of creative force come to bring those visions to a reality? A reality in which I am able to witness and move too. Does the person always have a paper and pen on hand for when the million dollar lyrics bounce into thought? Or does a person create a persona of who they would like to be? Or just speak the truth of who they are? Either way the beat is sick. It is insane when someone else's words can resonate and remind me of a person, place, thing or event. Connectedness.
 A friend of mine believes the core purpose and drive of a person is autonomy, connectedness and relatedness. I understand this concept. I question people, generate conversation, enquire about their passions and dislikes to create a picture of who the other person is in hopes to relate to them. Always hoping for an easy ride, a smooth vibe and an absorbing conversation. 
 I love new perspectives that generate a whole flow of topics of unrelated ideas that in the end make their way back to a general focal point: to a place of ..... WOW!!! I am amazed by the ability of constructing a path that even being amidst the most obscure and tangent ridden conversations there is a trail that will lead back to the original purpose.
 Creativity produces this realm. I thought to be creative you had to paint, draw, sing or write. I thought creation had to be an item that fit into some guidelines of being an artist; I have come to discover this is not necessary true. Creativity is: 'the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, 
relationships, or the like, and to create meaningful new ideas, 
forms, methods and interpretations.' So all in all, I get the impression that if we become truly interested in who we are personally... allowing ourselves the opportunity to discover, uncover and enquire our deepest passion, we will be surprised on how naturally we become ourselves. I believe the more I connect to me the more I will relate to you. 
Leading me back to Music; which produces the beats that make our bodies move.

 

Sunny Scotland

 The land of rolling hills, brick roads, granite buildings and hypnotic brogues. Scotland is ACE. I never would have imagined that out of all places in the world Scotland would be the place I would constantly try to get back to. First off, the accents never seize to amaze me, "Aye, such a wee lil bonnie." Secondly, the banter is beyond belief and finally whoever calls a hug a bosie deserves one... I mean bosie, come on; the word within itself sounds so cozy!
 You can expect to be offered a cup of tea whenever you enter someone's home, whenever you wake up in the morning or as an after meal treat. A Scottish cup o' tea is the sweetest thing running but even more satisfying is when you have mastered the ability of making a fine cup - a feeling of pride is not an uncommon experience.
 Scotland has been the place where: being an outsider I automatically felt accepted, learning to laugh at myself with ease, owning my awkwardness and enjoying life for what it is. I now understand why soccer is called football, pants are called trousers and being cold is Baltic. In a land where cars are mini, roads are narrow, scarves are common place and little dogs roam... my heart felt in love.
 As an old timer Leckie once said to me, a smile strewn across his face, eyes on the Newtonhill football match:"No one is to swear, smoke or spit," all the while lighting up a cigarette, hawking a loogie and cursing the opposite team. This place is full fun loving conundrums!

Planning the Escape

   Maybe "it" shouldn't be called the escape but rather the liberation to something new. The freedom to explore new surroundings, the excitement of being in the unknown, the confusion on to whether you made the right choice or not; all the while having an overwhelming sense of anticipation that you are going to find some sort of treasure. Travelling is the best. Yes, there are moments of absolute fatigue, money counting frenzies, misplaced passports, absolute loneliness and homesickness for comfort food... but that is minimal and countered with: adventure, rapid external information of scenery, music, people and experience. At the end of the journey there is this increased awareness of how huge but small the world really is.
  This is my list of pre travel enquiries that I think encompasses what is important information to have to when planning the greatest of escapes:
1. What kind of weather do I like?
2. Do I need a visa? and how long does that visa last?
3. Create an intention and write it down
4. Plan how to get from point A to point B, but not all the details in between.
5. Set a date and start MAD SAVING
6. Research some of the language and customs
7. Get excited... people are people everywhere!
  Travel is wild, uplifting, unveiling and most of all fun. Being able to laugh with people that have a completely different upbringing, views on life, perspective and personal experience is pure knowledge and education. Being able to try food from all areas of the world has made me realize how much I love sticky rice and coconut, that mango with condensed milk over sticky rice is beautiful and that eating with my hands is one of the best things EVER. (Oh, wow... even thinking of this makes me happy.)
The only solid advice I have for travelling is: Try not to pack too much shit! You have to carry that crap on your back and at some point there may come a time when you flying elbow your backpack, absolutely irritated, with a faint memory residing in the back of your mind saying: "You did this to yourself."

Weekend Witness

Observing the life of others around me is unreal. Some people are living their lives with intense direction, some are floundering with ease, others are growing a tiny human in their bodies while others sleep the days away. There are so many paths, trails and courses that we can choose to follow that it becomes rather overwhelming sometimes to decide what direction I am meant to go. Then I think, does anyone really know? Or does a situation just present itself and then WHAM we know within ourselves while telling ourselves " I can do that, I am ready for that ride."
I figure the best way to identify what I do want in my life is to sift out what I really don't want.
A good way to go about this is to ask the older generation questions, as many questions as possible, to hopefully soak up the valuable information,knowledge and life experience. I am under the impression that this generation have been about for a good amount of time and have statistically been through some weird ass shit at some point in their lives.. so maybe, just maybe, they will have the first aid kit to help in that mind sticky situation where there is a loss of direction.
If we ask enough people a variety of questions I get the sense that we can create a pretty good foot hold that will allow the mind some stability.... however, there is always the option of being a full blown trail blazer and seeing where it takes us. I hope I land in a hammock.

Morning Medicine

   Waking up from dreams and from the thoughts of the previous day can be an interesting experience. I find it rather amusing that I can start a new day (a brand new day) with a good 30% of my mind floating 14 hours in the past. The whole concept of living moment to moment is not the easiest thing to do. And I don't fully understand why the theoretically simplest things can be the most difficult. It is like my brain says, "No, No. No.. it can't be that easy... let's work a little bit harder and add more details, because there is no way it is actually THAT simple." The strangest part of that whole process is I actually listen to my head!
Time and time again I prove to myself that the solutions are pretty straightforward:
   1. Midnight is a new day; a new start!
   2. Dancing in the morning gets me pumped
   3. Music is magic
   4. Looking in the mirror and telling myself that I am "Awesome", with a cheesy smile while giving myself the thumbs up totally makes me laugh.
And seriously; isn't being able to laugh at yourself what it is all about. If I can laugh at myself, then if other people laugh at me, I can laugh with knowingness that whatever is going on really is no big deal.

And it starts

Well hello.

The beginning of the blogging world commences: with the hope that I will be able to create an atmosphere worth reading while sharing thoughts that run smoothly. I always got marked down in school for having "run on" sentences and I have the feeling this is something that I am going to carry over from my early childhood school days. Be prepared English buffs; you may be scratching your heads in disbelief from time to time!
None-the-less, I am determined to share the valuable information that crosses my path and ignites my passion for life: The moment that makes my heart jump through my chest, or that thought  that clicks and solidifies of all those clichés that never made sense...
Life is a beautiful journey. A pain in the ass from time to time. But to quote a fellow wanderer, life is nothing less than "Wow Amazing!"