True core beliefs, hidden beliefs or misconceptions of what I think other people think. Why do I let the thoughts of other people affect my own? When it comes down to it, their thoughts are theirs and mine are mine. The thoughts of others seem to impact my decisions and I wonder if that is because I want to prove to them I am capable when I already know I am enough. Maybe trying to prove to others is really proving to myself.
Who knows. But what I do know is this feeling that is sitting with me is not fun, it is not light and it does not make me feel like I want to share it. I want it to be understood but it tells me if I cant share this, sharing joy is just the happy side of one part of all of it. I feel myself wanting to withhold myself and just listen to understand others instead... I cant be bothered trying to explain, I just want to be understood without having to defend what I am experiencing. Just share, no defense.
I get it though, pain is hard to hear, it can hurt and I don't want to be the cause of someone else's discomfort. I believe that if someone reveals them-self to you it is because they feel safe and they trust you... but I have also come to realize that it is more about them than it is about you. They let it out because they choose too, they can not have it live inside of them anymore - the internal conflict is removed from their private space and shared into the open world to dissipate and become less.
What I have come to see is that when we remove it from us, take our internal chaos into the world, others can pick up our energy and internalize the process while making it part of their own. With freedom of self can come captivity of others.
