Love Let Her.

To think that we have it all figured out everyday is a misconception of how life works. The only thing constant in life is change, and with change comes movement. Change does not have to be grandiose to make a big difference - we can adapt the way we speak, the way we listen, the time we take to get somewhere, the way we eat: we can modify anything slightly. The results can be huge. 

Some of us may leave a few minutes earlier than we had planned only to come across someone in our path that was needing us more than we needed to be where we were. A passing comment can change a person's day, a routine can change our entire day, and as much as we can decide to make small changes we can also decide to do the same thing as we have always done. 

They say you can choose to be involved and I agree. We can choose to give those we love a little more attentive time, we can choose to focus on the thoughts that bring us more peace and we can choose to channel the thoughts we have into any form of action - there may be a compulsion but where is that need coming from? 

I will forever be curious about the seed of life, the seed of thought and constantly wonder where they come from and where they go. 

How and why do these points get triggered in us the way that they do? My Dad has said, a trigger can be a positive thought, a positive memory or a positive experience - a trigger doesn't have to be a shitty reminder. 

The thoughts in life can be hard, habitual, comfortable, frustrating but at the same time when we regain control of ourselves these thoughts can be peaceful, reminiscent and honest. 

Just because we can find Peace doesn't mean that we wont suffer - the more we fear suffering and try to escape from it the more power it really has. Acknowledging the unwanted brings awareness to it and automatically it's power lessens... maybe not right away but over time. Whatever it is has been seen.

I think it is important to take a real look at what drives us and try to understand our motivation, lack of it, and try to identify where "it" comes from. What are we trying to prove, what are we trying to discover and what are we trying to accomplish? Then ask yourself what you are grateful for. 

I am grateful for realizing that there is no end of the line to being in love. I keep falling and cant help but smile by the surprise of how endless it is. I feel very lucky and I am thankful for the Brooks, sun and stars.

Prickly Heat

There may be days that you want to scream and tell "them" to go away (whoever they are) but the words won't come out properly. The mind can start thinking too fast and moving too quickly... worrying that whoever will hear what you have to say will lose the message of what is being said.  

Maybe the situation is a bit weird. Maybe feelings have been hurt or maybe an alternative truth needs to be shared. Maybe baby. Not a problem with you, not a problem with me – but the words may be the problem.

Thoughts, reactions and feelings buzzing around and fighting to survive in the triad of space with nowhere particular to go. Lonely hearts and happy smiles – feeling “that” feeling that is living somewhere inside of us – unaware of it's exact location - but this shit ain't hide and seek. Resurrecting it’s funny little face as if to say “hi..don’t forget about me.”

Don’t worry we can’t.

For those of us that don’t know how to liberate our darkness without being prickly. Be a prick, but be prepared for the consequences of our actions. No issue, just reality. If you need to release that energy – others may match it with the same intensity. Own it. As ugly as it may be. Integrate it all. 

Shadows hide and come out in the perfect combination of light and dark – it is not all bad. The more we hurt the hurt in us the more it believes it has no good and that's no good. That hardness protected us at some point in our lives so recognize the impact it had even if may not be useful anymore - at one point it was.

Remember words can cut, actions can hurt but both can heal. Try not to deny the asshole that lives inside of you, it will just get louder and defend it presence with blame. All of us can blame something but everyone pointing fingers everywhere will lead to fingers pointing back at us so take an honest look and ask questions. Deal with your shit and shit will get real. 

Happy is Lucky.

Happiness is a funny feeling. We may think it "should" always be there, lingering away in the back drop of some activity, in some memory or in some idea but really it is fleeting... cycling along it's path, disrupting our daily routine and injecting our experience with something beautiful. 

Happiness is a reminder that happiness exists - a reboot. The idea that we need to be happy, up, high or ecstatic all the time seems unattainable, unrealistic and kinda exhausting. 

Grateful. I understand gratefulness and appreciation of experience: but happiness, everyday all day in and out, I am just not sure if I feel it. I am okay with experiencing the diversity life has to offer. Through sadness we understand joy, through pain we place value on relief, through love we grasp that more love is needed. 

As my Mom has told me time and time again: Hate is a strong word! And it is.... none-the-less I feel compelled to soothe it, love it and understand it. Where and why has it developed? Has it ingrained itself into our psyche as a way to protect us - protect us from what we fear, from what we do not understand and from what intimidates us and why are we so afraid? I don't believe the impending doom of the saber tooth tiger is to blame for everything.

If we showed more compassion towards hatred would the black and white become more grey? I am curious about those that find happiness in causing pain and wonder if the external reflection provides acknowledgement for the internal strife that that person may be experiencing - some sort of shared experience that tells a person they are not alone. 

If love is the healer and hate is from the hurting how do we love the hurting without being hurt? If you come up with an answer let me know:)

Remember who you are, introduce yourself to yourself if you have forgotten and don't forget that happiness comes and go's - it is okay to not be buzzing everyday - you might just be tired, so get some rest. 

Stand up for yourself, hold others up and let other's speak their truth while maintaining your own, allow conversations to happen - even if they are uncomfortable and accept that all of us are uncovering our own path that holds some sort of truth to the collective. It may not all be pretty and nice but who said life has to be - not all parts are going to be happy but equally not all parts are as serious as we can make them out to be.

Guide of the Inner Galaxy

Memories can stay on replay for a really long time, transitioning through loops, gaps, time lapses but just like planets orbiting - they come back and intersect a space in time. A memory can be a beautiful space, the time of your life... but more often than not, it repeats some sort of message that is seeking resolution. 

I am not sure if all of us go through similar situations and I can only speak from my personal perspective, but if we are all connected in the way it seems, than I imagine most of us would understand this paradox. 

The memories we want to escape can hold our salvation. The salvation of the light is at hand, if we have the courage to sit in the dark, but I am not going to lie - the dark scares the shit out of me. I am not sure if I am scared of the dark or my if it's my imagination - that creative twisted shadow - that lives in my mind only to surfaces in the dark. I don't why this creative monster likes to take the opportunity to scare me when, ultimately, it has to go wherever I go and live with the consequences of our actions - but it does. 

I feel like this Weight of Darkness holds the secret to peace and it is up to me to decipher the meaning of it's madness. 

Memories are: vivid reminders of personal perception and personal interaction, may be meaningless for one while being overwhelming for the other and are subjective. It is difficult to translate the feeling of a particular experience without watering it down to something that barely compares with the original situation. 

I feel like memories live in the senses, are seeded in a particular time but are timeless in their expression. As we learn, observe and explore our past it seems as though particular memories may be the key to unraveling ongoing themes of suffering. 

The more often the thought, the more it needs to be heard. The more aggressive the feeling the more it has been hurt. The more obvious the meaning the more disbelief we have. 

What we say, what we do, what we don't do, how we say something, when we do something, the space and time we leave between reacting and acting - all of this creates pathways and these pathways begin to carve out the way we respond to life. Our memories become our guide. 

Individually, we may not always remember what we have said or done to those around us but "they" might - and it is vital to honour the full experience. We may not like what everyone has to say, or the memories that they have of us, but to dismiss their experience is to dismiss the reality of us beyond ourselves. No one is perfect to everyone but we don't need to be a dick to anyone.

So Many Double U's.

I feel like the mind is another hideout, where thoughts create their own reality -  a reality that becomes the personal life. I wonder if the thoughts an individual has is an unique map where our purpose can be discovered. I am curious why all of us can experience varying levels of the same emotion and why fear is contagious. 

I wonder why one person can tap into another persons reactionary vibration and I wonder if this is emoting empathy or fear. I wonder if what we experience as "someone else's" is actually a trigger for us to master an element of our own personal fear. 

Survival is the reality. How are we meant to move forward? What are we supposed to process? What is important? Why is our survival paramount? What makes the survival of the human race "more important" than other living beings and if we hold ourselves in such high regard why do we not hold strangers to the same esteem? Why is it when we are removed from difficult circumstances do we seem to forget? Is this survival. 

Why is it when we make it to the safe zone do we dismiss the experiences of others and why do we have so many opinions? What makes the mind move so quickly and why do we fixate on particular thoughts? Why is it that some of us like to have routine while others do not and wouldn't both of these circumstances be considered freedom to those that are getting what they need? Why do we judge what we don't understand and why has judgement turned negative? Why are we so concerned about fitting in somewhere? Is this all based in the need to survive. 

If we carry the experiences of our ancestors within us - no wonder we have so many thoughts - possibly these memories are alarmed. Alarmed that we are not hearing what we need to, concerned that we are distracted by the needless and focused on the distraction... or maybe this is how we make sense of our senses and hopefully our process will bring us to surviving in Love.

Owning the shit.

Living never ceases to amaze me. Feelings only seem to intensify - but the ability to witness the feelings becomes a gift. I remember a friend saying to me in the past, "what you are experiencing is theirs: imagine a plug and separate your feelings from theirs." I didn't understand this for years, but now it makes sense.

I used to think that everything I was experiencing was happening within me, that it was my reaction to a situation, or my feelings to what I saw - I now understand that what is happening around me is not always mine, or about me. I started to understand that sometimes we are sensitive to our environment and we can pick up the residue of someone else's reaction or feeling from an experience, that, ultimately, we can re-feel what has already been felt. 

It has been hard for me to be okay with allowing myself space, I was concerned people would feel abandoned or rejected, so I would sit in something that was hurting me - I took on the pain of what I perceived "the" reaction would be. I felt too scared to ask the questions as I was not really prepared for the answers - or maybe I was scared the answers would hurt. 

The feelings of sadness were overwhelming, behind soft smiles I would see sad eyes, through bundles of energy I would feel depletion of hope and through kind words I would feel the need of approval - there were times I would feel angry, wondering why "we", "they" or "us" didn't "know" that we were okay. I wondered why I cared so much about other people's opinions of others and of myself - I didn't understand why it hurt so much to hear the truth. 

I think sometimes the truth tells us what we think the truth is but in reality it may be something we may never take the time to fully understand: lessons to freedom are not the same. What works for you may not work for me and what works for me may be completely absurd to you, but like I have heard "at the end the view is all the same." There are many paths to get to the same place and who am I to judge. 

I think what I am learning now is: to really honour what I feel is my personal power and to recognize the spirit within myself, to be as honest as I can, reflect on my intentions, to see if my actions match my values and to participate in life. Be kinder to ourselves and not so hard on others. 

There will be moments that we get angry, that we get offended, that we are hurt or hurt others but I think the ultimate goal is: for us to look at who we are and own it. What we see in ourselves may not be something we like; however, once we accept what we know to be real we have the power to do something about it. We all know when we are speaking shit.

The Dark Side of Utopia

Scenes of any kind create an atmosphere, they attract individuals from everywhere and provide an environment for us to interact, share and explore. They can be a place where we discover ourselves, become introduced to a new way of living, get lost in a new waves of thoughts and discussions as well as being a place to get lost: an escape. 

Scenes become a culture, a subculture, and allow us to find the place "our place" that we feel comfortable. Be it the music scene, the art scene, the academic scene, the drug scene.... whatever anyone is involved in can be created into some sort of scene. 

These words are labels that we have created to distinguish us vs them, a place where rules may make a bit more sense to us, or signifies an ideology that we assume is everyone else's belief. 

The problem arises when we believe that everyone involved in a particular scene is a particular way. There will be similarities, but we are a diverse group of individuals and individually we are going to have our own take on life, as well the shadow that follows. 

We tend to hide from ourselves what we don't want others to know. There becomes this acceptance of denial, a belief that if we don't recognize what is happening - that it is not happening... or if we don't want to believe what is happening, we wont. Belief is a funny thing - it does not need to be rational. 

When the truth begins to get momentum, recognizing and accepting reality can become a very painful experience, especially when we become so attached to the reality we have created for ourselves. We live on a planet with billions upon billions of experiences and there is no way that our individual view is the "right" view. 

Becoming flexible and accepting to the varieties of experiences is necessary in developing resilience to life itself. When we begin to identify so closely with a scene, a group or a view, we have created a pedestal stating "this, here, is above the norm"... and when that shit falls - we tumble............................. and sometimes we continue to roll into dismay. 

It is important to remember - it is not the scene it is the person. If a person is doing horrible things, that person is the one doing it. The scene lives as a venue, a space and a place to collect people. People are diverse, independent, curious, lost, dazed and confused - but trying to find something. A place to fit in, a place to explore, a place to enjoy. Whatever, we are looking for we will be searching for it in some way. 

I guess, something I have had to accept is: just because one person is doing something for one particular reason does not mean that is the reason everyone is doing that same thing. Not everyone works out for the health benefits, not everyone does drugs to escape, not everyone drinks because they are miserable, not everyone laughs because they think what they heard is funny, not everyone helps because they want too, not everyone is eating because they are hungry.... there are an unlimited amount of reasons why we do whatever we do. 

A difference is made when we ask questions, rather than assume, and when we see it for what it is rather than what we want it to be. Not an easy task. If you find something that allows you to find yourself, give it the respect it deserves, but recognize that you found that place for a reason and not everyone is involved for the same purpose. Protect those you love, help a stranger, be honest and when we see fucked up shit - take a real look at it and say something. 

Down to the Atoms.

They say that healing works on a cellular level, that as you get better it reverberates outwards to those around you. That as you heal, all of you is healing, and the history of those before you begin to heal the "story" or "theme" that has been carried through. 

I have also heard that souls travel in soul groups - those who we are with now have been with us in some other capacity before. Our relationships may have been different, our interactions may have had a different meaning, but a link was there. 

To some people this may sound strange, unbelievable, based in imagination or completely unlikely - but to others this makes sense.... some of us may have had that feeling that we knew someone before we even knew them, had the sensation of deja vu or a physical reaction that propelled us to steer clear of them for no particular reason other than an internal one. Internal recognition, soul recognition, chemical reaction or emotional response - who really knows, but the message was loud and clear. 

The frustrating part is when we know within ourselves that something is amiss and we continue forward anyway. Is this our need to be polite, our curiosity of wondering what will happen next, an unconscious desire to rectify something that we are not totally aware of or is it some kind of game we play on our inner voice by trying to rationalize it's experience with our rational mind. For whatever reason, we will learn something. 

I am not too sure if all of us will look at specific moments as lessons or if we will see them as: betrayals, owed's, expectations, hopes - or as opportunities to blame, differ and escape but however we see them, I hope we find the silver lining that allows us to grow. 

The more we blame, expect, justify, rationalize, escape, idolize or sleep the more we are giving away our power to something else - be it another person, a feeling, a thought an activity or a fear. Our power sits in our ability to recognize our worth and the worth of everything around us and act in accordance with our inner addition to the bigger picture. 

Some of us are in better positions than those around us and rather than feel the need to justify or feel guilty about that position, we can accept our fortune, and be something that truly supports and accepts the realities "we" experience. 

Throughout my life I have experienced immense tension, anxieties, worry, concern and would pray for the happiness of those around me - while trying to be the thing that made them happier. I thought that if I could make them forget, or make them see what they were to me, it would make a difference enough to make them better. I realize now it was never about making them forget, they needed to remember how precious they are and I needed to remember the same. 

Who am I to tell someone who they are and what they have to offer if I can't accept those parts of myself? Integration is key. And buzz words drive me nuts - but when they make sense they make sense and then I begin to understand the power of the WORD. All it is is a symbol, a symbol to communicate. 

As we heal our inner shit we allow space for others to heal theirs. When those you love start to heal, and as we see them solidify, we begin to trust that they are more than capable of taking care of themselves. 

Rather than being the enabler we become a support, that can truly empathize with the struggles of life, without fearing that the worse will happen. Sometimes the worst will still happen. But maybe, if we have taken the responsibility to heal ourselves, we will be able to cope with the worst case in the best way. If anything, taking responsibility of myself has given me the insight of not knowing and the freedom to let go..... most of the time.

Shame Shame Go Away.

I never really thought about the issues surrounding a "love" perspective or had acknowledged the upset that it can cause in other people if what you are saying is considered predictable. I did not recognize how infuriating this can be to people and to be honest, there is a part of me that says: "Well, it works for you when you agree with me, but it looks like today is not one of those days." 

Then the view I have becomes the enemy, it becomes the place of not understanding, of not picking the right side, of having to "should" care more about the issue at hand. But to create a conversation around the issues at hand without being emotionally triggered is a difficult task. 

I noticed that even among the barrage of comments I feel a need to explain that I am not always love, that I do get angry, that I do have a voice - but because I may not use it like you doesn't mean that it is not coming from the same place: a place of fear, a place of sadness and a place of stalemate. 

What do we do, how do you address issues that seem to be so far out of our control? 

One step at time. Or as my Dad might say: One breath at a time.

I truly believe that the more we address our own inner shit - the stuff that rolls around the darkness getting all muddy and start to dive down into the depths of entitlement, the better chance we have of making a decision that will positively affect all of us. 

I am not a big believer in blame. I know it exists and that we are all capable of it but I don't think it does anything other than walk us around the same circle we are already in, while at the same time carving into the ground a path for more of us to follow. 

To combat blame we need to be accountable. Accountable to our mistakes, accountable to others, accountable to our actions, beliefs, words and whatever else we attach too.  We all have the right to speak our truth and others have the right to think we are speaking shit - but when it comes down to it we need to respect that all of us have a voice, as different as they may be. This does not mean we are going to like what everyone has to say - but that is the point. 

In the chaos of word war and emotional triggers, hopefully, we can develop an ability to communicate with the people around us to get to the core of what we are all saying and see if what we are saying resonates with each other or not: at which point we have a stronger point of reference to act.

To dismiss someones perspective because you may believe that you know what that person is going to say is dangerous. This is assuming that you are already ahead of that persons emotional, intellectual and physical processing and you know what - there may be times you are right, so enjoy it when you are, but sometimes you may be surprised to hear what that person is going to say. 

If we talk about the dark vs the light - we need both.... and in between this space of dark and light lives neutrality: the space in which transformation begins - acting as our internal boundary: Respect. 

We may not like what everyone has to say, or the vibe they have, or the angle they are coming from but we need to hear them first before we attack. 

Ultimately, I see it as a fear of being wrong, we become so caught up in our views that we need them to be right for us to be alright. We are human, we are not perfect. If we are "wrong" we can change our mind, accept the consequences and approach things differently - I guess the issue sits in the space of shame: that painful feeling of humiliation. The more we look the more we can make. 

If coming from a love view has taught me anything it is I wont be brought to hating.

How do you say it.

Recently, I asked someone if when they are speaking does it feels like they are dancing? The question alone got me excited as I felt for the first time, in awhile, I had accurately articulated what it feels like for me when I experience a verbal rant. I was hopeful that the person asked would respond with a "wow.... that is exactly what it feels like," allowing a connection of "yes.... I found another one." 

No such luck; however, the opportunity to properly express a personal experience was worth it. I never knew that is how I felt until I asked someone else. 

I guess that is where the realism of communication lives: we can speak a lot but what are we trying to say? What words will set us free? and maybe it won't even be words but rather images, sounds, thoughts or feelings that release the block that is hindering our own unknown expansion. 

I often think about communication and get lost in the abundance of languages we speak and the assumptions that speaking the same verbal language would make interactions easier... I get that when trying to clarify the finer details speaking the same verbal sound would make the discussion easier or possibly quicker.... but what I find more and more often is: the less words we have in common the more attention we have to pay to each others presence and feel the atmosphere around the "conversation".  

Most of the time that one feeling, look or energetic force says so much more than any amount of words can novel up. 

This is not to say speaking is unwarranted because if anyone knows me they know I love to speak.... it is the way to release my inner tangents, to follow my thoughts, to see what workings live in the corners of my internal universe while leading my conscious self to understanding my unconscious world that connects to the source of whatever and everything. 

Words, sounds and movement become the personal beat of my inner vibration that for some reason wants to be shared. Not everyone is going to like the beat of every particular song- but when we give space, to all sorts of expression, we are given a glimpse to the variety of human perspective and that is what makes each dance unique.

Get Back Eating.

In amongst the daily questions and observations of everyday living there come those random insights that teach us the core lesson of our personal path. 

I mean, I don't know for sure but I definitely recognize that in the most intense moments a truth of clarity sets perspective. It isn't always the answer we may want but it seems to be a rule we can live by. We meaning I. 

I have realized that having people on podiums only tells yourself that you are below someone else and when you give that power away their reactions, actions or views can skew you. 

I notice that when I have relinquished my personal power I am less able to communicate clearly what I want, I become nervous about what may be said and ultimately I am afraid of being rejected or not accepted into this group I have made superior in my own mind. 

People fall off podiums, people make mistakes and we are all existing in this existence understanding as we move along. 

Admire the traits and paths of others, appreciate the beauty of others, support the good vibes that are being expelled and accept that that shit lives in you also - bring yourself to the table that everyone is eating at and if you don't like what is being served, no problem.