Outward bound in.

Leaving the comforts of your own home brings you to finding your center. You realize what is important to you, what you can do without and what you hope for... but sometimes it leads you to wondering what you really want at all. It makes you curious to the point of everyday life - working to pay the bills, sleeping to be refreshed for the day and on a constant search for food. 

Makes me think about the hunter gathers of the world and the need to secure daily sustenance. I have found that when a person has to pay for water you become very aware of the realities of access to water and how some of us are very fortunate to never have to worry about accidentally drinking the water from the tap.  

We seem to be on our own journey, wherever we are, trying to make sense of the time we have and to use the daylight as it seems fit - some of us may live moment to moment accepting each second as it is, others may be searching for the finish line that tells us we have completed something... anything. Some of us may use the time we have to create connections, to share a message or to just be. 

I never really know where I am going but there seems to be this internal compass that leads me to places I just understand. I find the message somewhere in the madness or possibly I make the message somewhere from the madness... creating purpose to my existence. 

It is apparent that no matter who we are or where we come from we are trying to survive in the environment we are in - some of us may carry an enthusiasm for life, while others are not so ecstatic... and to be honest some of the hands we have been dealt are not always the winning hand but, man, some of us sure can bluff our way through it. 

I think I admire that most - making the hand we want out of the shit we have been left with. If life is lived through the perception of what we believe it to be, I will continue to see it for what it is - a whole mess of something, with a lot of material objects made from nature. We all come back to earth one way or another.

Broken Fences.

Walking about and absorbing the rays of sunshine is absolutely awesome. Getting in tune with the vibrations of life and seeing the connection of energy between the sun, animals and plants is pretty interesting. 

I noticed a group of cows collect the last of the midday sun on their faces and as the peak of the warmth had turned to it's decline, the cows turned around and let the last of the rays hangout on their backs. It was pretty cute - understandable, but cute none-the-less. Each cow spent sometime on their own but collectively enjoyed their space together and walked "home" as a group. It made me think about slowing down and seeing the spirit in everything that exists. 

We have reasons for what we do and a lot of time they are logical decisions. We chase the energies we seek and we distance ourselves from the energy that depletes us. 

I think about comfort and what that actually means. I wonder if comfort correlates to the safety we feel in known situations... I wonder if we feel safe in unsafe situations because we are aware of what to expect? Then I think just because we have an understanding of what can happen does not mean we are "safe" in that "comfortable" situation. 

There are moments that exist to flare up as a flag signaling "this may not be what you think it is" and it is important to listen to those moments. To really listen and hear what your insides are saying is an observation of it's own: we may feel like we have to consider so many factors - past, present, future, mental, spirit, emotional - and we may..... but first we need to listen. 

We need to pay attention to what is going on around us and inside of us to fully grasp the overload of data that is coming our way, while at the same time try to listen to the observations others are having. We may not like to hear what they have to say but, at the same time, we may be provided invaluable insight to an array of possibilities that we may have been unable to see. 

Inside of ourselves we know what feels right and we know when something is off: games will be played but we are not pawns. We are the kings and queens, princesses and pirates of our own vibrations - enjoy the highs and learn from the lows, people may try to play you but if you know you know and sometimes that is all you need to know. Kick up the dirt, soak up the sun and then let the light show you the path home.

Time Change.

Remembering what brings a person peace is a wonderful remembering - it is like how did that thought ever become forgotten, where was it hiding and what made it resurface? Most of the time life makes no sense, but you can tell when it is feeling right. I wonder if that is an evolutionary byproduct of survival - when the moment is too calm, the instinct inside of us tells us to wait it out just a few more moments. 

It seems like when the mind gets distracted, focused, fixated or intrigued, moments take on a new meaning - time becomes our currency. I have never really understood the logic of money, seeing as, it is either paper, coins or digits... but  the power that is can have is indescribable. 

Money is a symbol, an exchange of something tangible for something tangible: an agreement of "I want this for that." It allows us to move around, travel, buy things and to show what we support. We can horde it, loathe it, love it, spend it, give it away and avoid it; regardless, it is an energy that circulates the world we are living in. 

What we can do for this concept is consuming. The idea that money makes us happy is a strange one. I think money makes us however we are. I don't believe that happiness is a forever state of being but rather a point in which we have the ability to access - the pressure to maintain to "that place" is a hard standard to meet, especially, daily. 

If all of a sudden a person won thousands of dollars I can see that as a happy moment, but is that because of the money or because it is a positive surprise? If we had as much money as we wanted forever and always, wouldn't we come back to ourselves and rediscover the areas that needed a bit more healing just the same as if we didn't have cash in the first place? 

It seems like a valid point of reference to position unhappiness on the shoulders of having a lack of cash flow but what is the real truth in that? Ultimately, we are all trying to survive in whatever position we are in and having access to our basic needs is a universal human right... which shouldn't be confused with money in the first place.

I truly feel that I am living in a vortex that wants me to believe that I am not enough until I meet certain unattainable criteria that will let me know that I have arrived to that "special place" by opening it's golden doors, while presenting its marble floors and promising an eternity of feeling full - and all I have to say to that is: I ain't buying that shit, I like being barefoot.

All Yours.

It is hard to let go. Let go of hopes, fears, control, expectations - you name it, it is probably hard to let go of. It doesn't seem to matter how toxic, how damaging or how unpredictable it may be "it" can be very hard to let go of. 

I notice, that more often than not, what is hard to let go of are really the things we need to detach from. It is not as though we are like: "Oh wow, this is a really beautiful relationship I have going on here - I think I better let go of that." Generally speaking, we accept a good thing that is going on even if we may become fearful that it may end... and that is what we need to "let go" of - the fear... but it seems like we attach to that fear with our finger tips clawing in. 

I don't understand why we put more energy into what we don't want to happen then what we are actually consciously craving. I guess that brings us to what our unconscious is craving, and the depths of what we actually believe our personal self-worth to be. On the outside we may present as solid, confident, honest and accepting but it could really be a deflection from the soft, self-conscious, defiant and protective part of ourselves. None of these traits by the way are "bad" we just need to be aware of where we are working from. 

The question is: When and how do we wake up to that our inner reality? Especially, when no matter what anyone says, we know that whatever is lurking below is going to be painful to remove. I wonder if looking at pain without assuming it is going to be unbearable will allow us to be more prepared for it. 

Pain is going to be uncomfortable, it is going to hurt but maybe at the same time it will wake us up - wake us up to what is really important to us, how we really feel and show us that we are strong enough to make it through. I think that it is important to understand that not all of us want that journey or sometimes we cant be bothered to tap into what has been buried away - realizations are an intense thing. 

Things we thought we knew change, relationships we had take on new meaning and we get new insight into something that looked one way for a long time and those realizations can be tough shit to get through. Once we see we can't un-see. We can try to cover the new truth with our blanket of denial but to be honest we may need time to grieve our attachments to what we thought we knew. 

The longer I am around the more and more I feel I am connecting to this focus point that is within me but lives outside of myself - it doesn't logically make sense but I feel it. I see that all I can really do is to be here and be there for people. The hardest part about people is loving them and loving them enough to know that they are going to experience their life. I can try to protect people as much as I want but, ultimately, I am protecting myself from the fear of what could be and there is no guarantee. 

It seems to be that in life, in love and in relationships of any kind we need to be present, be truthful and be to be as honest as we can about the facts, our feelings and about our observations but accept that we can not control an outcome without force - and forcing someone is taking away their right to their choice. 

Take a stance for you, your life, your accountability and your actions - lead by example; however, to expect everyone else to follow suit you are going to have to accept that that may not be what they want to do. Let go the feeling of responsibility of someone else's life - they are the best person to live it.

Time taker

Reflections can be a funny thing, they may not be an exact replica but seem to amplify aspects of an internal image that wants to be seen. What we see may feel distorted, unfamiliar or disconnected but if we look close enough we may see our Self inside of it. 

There are times when I experience something outlandish, infuriating and somewhat confusing and I wonder how this interaction could be taking place. I am curious if "the other" notices what they are saying or if the people around acknowledge their behaviour, or response, as part of the issue. I wonder if it is my job to say anything, or my role to interpret, or if it's my need to identify the root of what is happening - then I think: if I am so affected by this, how are my actions, words and thoughts exacerbating this more? as "it" must also lives inside of me and if so, do I recognize my intentions, actions and vibrations as part of the interaction? If there are lessons in all of the madness, where am I seeking education? Also, who am I to stop or halt someone's learning and who's to say that I am beyond another's state of "education" to teach someone else? hahaha the rabbit hole continues.. It just gets so confusing. 

People are amazing, inspiring and full of surprises and we need to allow each other the space to work out who we really are. The more we get affected by what is happening around us the more we need to identify what really matters to us and stand up for it. I get the sense that when we discover who we are we can accept others for who they are a lot easier - but just because we acknowledge something does not mean we have to like it.

There will always be behaviour that does not coincide with what we may find acceptable; however, it is important for us to remember that all of us have a right to live our lives. We need the whistle blowers, the outrageous, the angry, the persistent, the loving and the loyal - we need us all. What we don't need is the intentionally cruel behaviour that harms anyone and everyone around them to make a point. We need to work out our own inner game so we are aware of the levels we are playing within. 

Once again, who am I to tell us what to do? All I can really say is my experience of everything and everyone is teaching me where I want to go and who I want to be in this existence. For this I am forever grateful, at times a bit gobsmacked, but completely honoured by what I see.

It's Okay.

There are mornings when I sit here thinking about the thoughts I had yesterday and trying to determine the relevance that they had at all. I am stuck in situations where I have to let go the feeling of attachment I have to an outcome that I had previously determined. Sometimes no plan is the best plan - I think that when we outline a plan or future goal we are self soothing, making ourselves comfortable with the unknown, which makes sense - it serves a purpose. 

The issue is when this plan becomes cemented into our path, when we are unaware of the other options or when we look at others like a villain who is trying to hinder us from our perceived destination. I am not saying that there are not people out there that will obstruct our path, because there are, but we do have the ability to recognise these "red flags" and hopefully avoid the shit storm that comes with them. 

I have found that if a person becomes trapped in this chaotic shit fest sometimes the best solution is just to let them talk, let them relay all their information, observations and judgements - that way you have a clearer view of the path in front of them and the potholes that may exist. 

It may come across that, when speaking to them, someone else is their problem, the blame may get shifted into your direction, their energy may be directed at you - but if we are able to visualize a protective barrier between "us and them" we may develop a bit more compassion to the healing they need. 

They say hurt people hurt people and I always wondered why would the hurt want to cause more pain? It can be said that we learn from our environment and we repeat what we see but I am also interested in the Envy and Jealousy that surrounds these actions. 

Envy: the feeling of wanting what someone else has. Jealousy: the feeling of being afraid of losing what one already "has". When we break down each of these feelings it seems to me to come down to fear. Fear of not being enough in comparison to someone or something else: an idea, status, love, admiration or whatever we feel we want or entitled to. I wonder if it is not so much about building ourselves up to these idealized measures but, rather, accepting what we really are while giving this realization more compassion. 

Why do we get upset when others are cruel to others but the toxic language we can feed ourselves is allowed? Why is it that we will allow others toxic behaviour to impede our own self thoughts? And why do we find it so hard to let go of those situations that cause us pain? Sometimes, I feel like it comes down to an idea that we have to accept everything about everyone otherwise we are not being "good" enough. 

I have come to realize that this is a pretty intense expectation to lay on yourself or other people. We can respect that everyone has the right to learn to live life in their way, but that does not mean we have to accept everything they do and to be okay with their actions. We can say goodbye, we can say no, we can say I don't want too but I think what we need to look at is: Why are we saying these things? Are we trying to teach them a lesson or are we trying to create boundaries.

I guess that is a question I need to ask myself - are we learning or am I being told what to do? Am I sharing with you or am I telling you what to do? When it comes down to it, we are all students that have teaching abilities - it is up to us to see our lesson and to share the experience, but if someone isn't ready for the test don't set them up to fail. Life has an interesting way of showing you who's boss.

Light Force

Understanding the darkness of your shadow can be a scary place - trying to recognize and accept the "unacceptable" parts of your nature is an oxymoron to the concept. How do we accept what is unacceptable and who decided along the way that these traits are undesirable? I can see how certain qualities are viewed as dangerous in relation to the harm they can cause, but at what point did something become unacceptable? Is this an individual choice, a feeling, or  Universal Law? 

There are times and situations that we innately know the "right" answer and sometimes these decisions are beyond what we want of the desired outcome; however, I truly believe that inside we know what we know for a reason. To cause harm is unkind - but I am curious as to where that pain is coming from and if it is truly possible that all of us can overcome the barriers that stop us. 

What vibrational platform are we standing on, what level are we trying to reach, what pain needs to be recognized before we can move to the next level? Does everyone move to the next level and do we all want to move there? Also, when it comes to "levels" are they really stages or they individual experiences of a shared reality needing healing? 

I am stuck lately in trying to rationalize the chaotic - no one is above or below one another but rather they are where they are adding to what they need to know. We can't compare Them vs Us - even if deep down we want to believe our choices make more sense. As we are experiencing our own life we are going to rationalize our own experience to suit our purpose and it will make more sense to us - so in reality neither party in incorrect. 

I guess the problem starts to occur when: Me as a Person, tells You as another Person that My way is the best way for You. That doesn't seem to have much significance, seeing as, I have no real idea about all of you and of the background that made up your reality - so how am I supposed to know.

As a human living this experience I can share my observations, recite my views, connect to intuition and share my perception as a tool to allow you to guide yourself, but that does not dictate that I am due power over your choices. Once an opinion is shared it is up the the listener to do what they need to do with that information. The hope is that we connect more to our Universal Source, bringing awareness to our shadow, rather than attach to our self-preserving Ego. 

The Ego can only take us so far, the Universe is endless.

Committed You

The feeling that takes over when we are lost in indecision is immobilizing, erratic and static all at the same time. It is hard to comprehend the next step but it is just as difficult to accept the current moment and to allow whatever will be to be. 

Control. I guess that is all it is - the need or reassurance to feel like we have some control over our own destiny. Ultimately, we always have choices, however small or huge they may seem, we have the final choice on how we are going to act or behave. The problem is as much as we may want control, taking responsibility for the outcome of a choice can be extremely difficult to accept. 

Not only, do we have to deal with the consequences of our actions, but we have to deal with the consequences of our feelings related to the decisions that we have made and the effect it has had on the world around us. 

No matter how small our world is - we have an impact. A tone, a look, a missed observation, being late, being early, not laughing quick enough, being too intense, not looking interested enough from what we eat, what we talk about, to how we interact with our community - we impact what is around us. 

The thoughts we fuel our mind with become the images we see and the confirmation we seek. There are times when I don't understand the value or importance we put into some issues while completely negating others - and then it makes sense. 

It is about choice, making a decision and awakening to the reality of integrity. When we start to realize that our words become our power, our words become our truth and our focus becomes our path, we have created an internal obligation. 

We can escape all we like, breaking away from the worlds we have created, turning away from the world that has been brought to us, and even attempting to deny the existence of options; however, we will always end up in our own head. At that point we have nowhere to go and our decision is our own - we will come to realize that either way we have made a choice, like it or not, accept it if you will but a decision has been made. 

The goal is to live with your judgement - you never know what gold is laying behind your thoughts and is actually achievable. All we need to remember is if we have the opportunity of making a decision truly materialize, we are the lucky ones.

Water Wall.

There are days I really do not understand the overall intention of those around me - and holy shit do these times consume me - then there are days that I see the lesson in the madness. I have come to accept that we may never fully understand, or grasp, the reality that others are experiencing but we can feel the frequency they are emitting. 

These vibrations seem to come in waves: at times strong and intense, like a  darkness unfolding signalling some sort danger, and at other times rapid and clear bouncing light from the water promoting a sense of invitation and safety. It is almost as if these vibrations are the indication of how the "game" will be played, like, these are the clues that tell you whether you need a life jacket or if you are safe enough to be vulnerable in your own skin. 

Water seems to regularly depict emotion in a variety of symbolic settings and I get it. Fluid, strong, invisible and plain to see - we accept that it surrounds us but we seem to often forget the importance that it has in our lives until we have no access to it. 

I am curious about the impact that water has on it's direct neighbour: the rocks become moulded by the forces of the waves, the soil becomes carved by the streams, roofs leak with the consistent pounding of the rain and tears create a path down the crying persons cheek. I wonder if the path of least resistance is a coping mechanism all of life has developed to secure it's place in the world. 

Water has the ability to form it's surroundings into the structure it needs. Emotions do the same. We need to release our feelings, explore our emotions and decipher the meaning behind our sensations - otherwise we run the risk of damaging our environment. 

Everything has a reason and it is our job to extract the lesson from each situation and build a bit of protection to save us from the intensity of it's impact. Sometimes it may be as easy as building a bridge, other times we may have to keep on moving. In either circumstance we are going to get wet.

Undisclosed Ending

When we think of life I would say most of us think about what life is going to look like, where we are going to be, how we are going to acquire what we want.... What do we want? I am perplexed by this constantly. 

It is hard for me to figure out what clothes I like and mostly I wait for what I acquire or what is handed to me because I can make that work. To make a decision is so hard - and at times pointless. I feel like we make opportunities but ultimately we are going to end up somewhere we were not really expecting in the first place. We may end up in the general atmosphere of where we were hoping but I think we underestimate the climate. 

Life is wild, people are wild and the planet is our habitat to understand the complexities of these interactions. There will always be the predator, there will always be the fight to claim a territory and there will always be the opportunity to explore. This may not relate itself into the physical form, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally or consciously this battle will occur. 

I recently watched a documentary that showed mountain goats living on sheer cliffs, claiming that space with their utmost ability. Completely capable and elegant as they did their thing living and surviving. What I found interesting was: the cliffs were the place these goats evolved too and from and this was mainly due to safety - which made me think. We are all animals, we are all seeking safety and the safer we are the more we can grow and own our space. 

Danger will always be there, the chance that we may not survive is part of the daily equation; however, the safer we feel, the safer we are, the more we are able to create the relationships that allow us to experience the joy in life. No matter what happens we will experience the journey we are on through: sadness, strength, optimism, realism, escapism or suffering but, I truly feel that, the more settled we feel the better we can survive the journey we are traveling. 

Life will never be easy, but it is something that will be lived. The next chapter is the topic we as people need to discus a bit more as it is something we will all reach. It is okay to be afraid, apprehensive, curious, angry, ready or all of the above - none of us really know how life and death will affect us and that is okay.