Time Change.

Remembering what brings a person peace is a wonderful remembering - it is like how did that thought ever become forgotten, where was it hiding and what made it resurface? Most of the time life makes no sense, but you can tell when it is feeling right. I wonder if that is an evolutionary byproduct of survival - when the moment is too calm, the instinct inside of us tells us to wait it out just a few more moments. 

It seems like when the mind gets distracted, focused, fixated or intrigued, moments take on a new meaning - time becomes our currency. I have never really understood the logic of money, seeing as, it is either paper, coins or digits... but  the power that is can have is indescribable. 

Money is a symbol, an exchange of something tangible for something tangible: an agreement of "I want this for that." It allows us to move around, travel, buy things and to show what we support. We can horde it, loathe it, love it, spend it, give it away and avoid it; regardless, it is an energy that circulates the world we are living in. 

What we can do for this concept is consuming. The idea that money makes us happy is a strange one. I think money makes us however we are. I don't believe that happiness is a forever state of being but rather a point in which we have the ability to access - the pressure to maintain to "that place" is a hard standard to meet, especially, daily. 

If all of a sudden a person won thousands of dollars I can see that as a happy moment, but is that because of the money or because it is a positive surprise? If we had as much money as we wanted forever and always, wouldn't we come back to ourselves and rediscover the areas that needed a bit more healing just the same as if we didn't have cash in the first place? 

It seems like a valid point of reference to position unhappiness on the shoulders of having a lack of cash flow but what is the real truth in that? Ultimately, we are all trying to survive in whatever position we are in and having access to our basic needs is a universal human right... which shouldn't be confused with money in the first place.

I truly feel that I am living in a vortex that wants me to believe that I am not enough until I meet certain unattainable criteria that will let me know that I have arrived to that "special place" by opening it's golden doors, while presenting its marble floors and promising an eternity of feeling full - and all I have to say to that is: I ain't buying that shit, I like being barefoot.

All Yours.

It is hard to let go. Let go of hopes, fears, control, expectations - you name it, it is probably hard to let go of. It doesn't seem to matter how toxic, how damaging or how unpredictable it may be "it" can be very hard to let go of. 

I notice, that more often than not, what is hard to let go of are really the things we need to detach from. It is not as though we are like: "Oh wow, this is a really beautiful relationship I have going on here - I think I better let go of that." Generally speaking, we accept a good thing that is going on even if we may become fearful that it may end... and that is what we need to "let go" of - the fear... but it seems like we attach to that fear with our finger tips clawing in. 

I don't understand why we put more energy into what we don't want to happen then what we are actually consciously craving. I guess that brings us to what our unconscious is craving, and the depths of what we actually believe our personal self-worth to be. On the outside we may present as solid, confident, honest and accepting but it could really be a deflection from the soft, self-conscious, defiant and protective part of ourselves. None of these traits by the way are "bad" we just need to be aware of where we are working from. 

The question is: When and how do we wake up to that our inner reality? Especially, when no matter what anyone says, we know that whatever is lurking below is going to be painful to remove. I wonder if looking at pain without assuming it is going to be unbearable will allow us to be more prepared for it. 

Pain is going to be uncomfortable, it is going to hurt but maybe at the same time it will wake us up - wake us up to what is really important to us, how we really feel and show us that we are strong enough to make it through. I think that it is important to understand that not all of us want that journey or sometimes we cant be bothered to tap into what has been buried away - realizations are an intense thing. 

Things we thought we knew change, relationships we had take on new meaning and we get new insight into something that looked one way for a long time and those realizations can be tough shit to get through. Once we see we can't un-see. We can try to cover the new truth with our blanket of denial but to be honest we may need time to grieve our attachments to what we thought we knew. 

The longer I am around the more and more I feel I am connecting to this focus point that is within me but lives outside of myself - it doesn't logically make sense but I feel it. I see that all I can really do is to be here and be there for people. The hardest part about people is loving them and loving them enough to know that they are going to experience their life. I can try to protect people as much as I want but, ultimately, I am protecting myself from the fear of what could be and there is no guarantee. 

It seems to be that in life, in love and in relationships of any kind we need to be present, be truthful and be to be as honest as we can about the facts, our feelings and about our observations but accept that we can not control an outcome without force - and forcing someone is taking away their right to their choice. 

Take a stance for you, your life, your accountability and your actions - lead by example; however, to expect everyone else to follow suit you are going to have to accept that that may not be what they want to do. Let go the feeling of responsibility of someone else's life - they are the best person to live it.

Time taker

Reflections can be a funny thing, they may not be an exact replica but seem to amplify aspects of an internal image that wants to be seen. What we see may feel distorted, unfamiliar or disconnected but if we look close enough we may see our Self inside of it. 

There are times when I experience something outlandish, infuriating and somewhat confusing and I wonder how this interaction could be taking place. I am curious if "the other" notices what they are saying or if the people around acknowledge their behaviour, or response, as part of the issue. I wonder if it is my job to say anything, or my role to interpret, or if it's my need to identify the root of what is happening - then I think: if I am so affected by this, how are my actions, words and thoughts exacerbating this more? as "it" must also lives inside of me and if so, do I recognize my intentions, actions and vibrations as part of the interaction? If there are lessons in all of the madness, where am I seeking education? Also, who am I to stop or halt someone's learning and who's to say that I am beyond another's state of "education" to teach someone else? hahaha the rabbit hole continues.. It just gets so confusing. 

People are amazing, inspiring and full of surprises and we need to allow each other the space to work out who we really are. The more we get affected by what is happening around us the more we need to identify what really matters to us and stand up for it. I get the sense that when we discover who we are we can accept others for who they are a lot easier - but just because we acknowledge something does not mean we have to like it.

There will always be behaviour that does not coincide with what we may find acceptable; however, it is important for us to remember that all of us have a right to live our lives. We need the whistle blowers, the outrageous, the angry, the persistent, the loving and the loyal - we need us all. What we don't need is the intentionally cruel behaviour that harms anyone and everyone around them to make a point. We need to work out our own inner game so we are aware of the levels we are playing within. 

Once again, who am I to tell us what to do? All I can really say is my experience of everything and everyone is teaching me where I want to go and who I want to be in this existence. For this I am forever grateful, at times a bit gobsmacked, but completely honoured by what I see.