I realized the other day, as I was panicking myself through the "crisis" of paperwork, that I instantly went to a place of abandonment.... hahaha how and when paperwork has related to feelings abandonment? I have no idea, but there I was swimming in the vastness of worthlessness only to discover that even if I identify my fear it doesn't mean it will go away. BUT... by naming it, it does show me that I can say hi to it and that I can remind myself that I am speaking a whole lot of shit. The reality may be different than what I am thinking. Acknowledgment seems to be a powerful tool.
We give ourselves clues about why we do what we do and why we do what we have done in the past.
I have noticed a lot of times we are surviving, protecting ourselves from some perceived or real pain while trying to ignore the reality of our fears. I think we are all used to hearing "we got to face our fears to get over them" and to be honest I never really understood what that meant. Does that mean I have to prepare myself to stand up in the dark, keep the lights off and attack what causes me grief - which is normally my imagination. Do I begin to look at my own mind as the enemy, do I begin to look at myself as the victim in unhealthy relationships, do I start calling other people names?
All this really seems like to me is an opportunity to cause more pain and confusion. If I start getting mad, getting even, playing tick for tat - does that make me a more balanced person? I don't really think so - it just makes a stronger opportunity to get lost in a bigger round about of paranoia, wondering when and who is going to get me next.
If I attack my mind, it will fight back, if I attack my community, it will fight back, if I attack anyone - I am pretty sure they are going to fight back, either with bad bad vibes or strong physical retaliation. I am not too interested in being in any of those kind of situations regularly. So what to do?
I cant say how anyone should do anything but what I think I need to do is:
1. Stand up for myself, other people, the situation when the event is occurring
2. Be honest when someone asks my opinion
3. Don't engage in the shit talk - don't be a hater, just because people do things differently doesn't mean either way is the "right" way
4. remember who I am - what am I about, what are they about and what are we actually trying to do
5. Don't force anyone to think the way I think and try not to surrender to someone else's thought process because I think it will make them feel better. All our thoughts are valid.
6. Be kind
7. Recharge to a higher frequency. As my Uncle says: 99.9 Love frequency baby.
I believe that one of the best modes to move forward in life, without the heaviness of back breaking bullshit, is to forgive the forgivable and let go the attachment to prickish behaviour. It is okay to be hurt, to be angry and to cry about it - but once the feelings have been expressed move past them, understand them and continue to love for the sake of loving. Forgive ourselves for being stuck on repeat in the loop of unneeded anguish.
If you don't like the frequency your are on, recognize you are somewhere you don't want to be and be grateful you noticed - lift yourself as high as you can and be a booster to those around you, when they to realize they are somewhere they don't want to be. The more space we create the more time we have to respond. This is what I think anyway.
