A little piece of heaven can potentially reside in between the cracks of everyday.... some days are a little more difficult to distinguish but it is there; even if it may be hiding. Do you ever become stunned and unable to comprehend the beauty when there is too much beauty around? For me it is almost like an overload... overly stimulated with the awesome that is surrounding me to the point that I can not fully take in the experience. This is why I like cities. Nature is beyond beautiful.. astonishing, bewildering, wild and magical. A sense of serenity proceeds it at every angle.. but a city... oh those glorious man made messes of the world.. littered in peoples thoughts, vandalized with eye opening art and cluttered with noise noise noise noise: absolute pure insanity!!! Only to walk down the street, meandering in a lost alley, saturated with a cool dampness, to discover vines and the life breaking through the cracks of the cement. That shit amazes me!! Nature has won! No matter the strength, congruity and creation that people are capable of creating, the world keeps doing it's thing. From it's rawest and most purest form, the flexibility of a vine with it's innate persistent to reach the sun, nothing will get in it's way. On the other hand we seem to constantly get in our own way. I have heard that "we are our own worst enemy," many times. We can stop ourselves from moving towards our goals, we question our ability, we question those around us, we may believe that we as an individual can not make a difference and we may tell ourselves that we even if we tried we may fail. And truth be told we may fail... but what really is failure anyway? Is it not getting exactly what we want, the way we want it, or the way we expect a certain outcome to be? I am starting to believe each failure is a block allowing us the opportunity to turn around, look at what is going on and to re-evaluate the necessity of the preconceived outcome. If we can be our own worst enemy I am pretty sure that we are capable of being our own biggest fan. Who needs fan letters when you are already a rock star?
Stepping outside the delusion of mainstream society is an awkward path. The constant revelations and understandings of how interactions proceed are colourful observations. I wonder sometimes if what we are passionate about is really our passion or if it is an "ability" that we showcase? Sometimes I love discussing topics with another person to watch the topic grow, to witness it reach new levels and create a conclusion that I have never reached! All the while achieving the utmost purpose: To Learn. I have recently noticed that some people do not like these kind of conversations. I was completely unaware of the desire to "be right" over being taken to new heights of thought. The intention is never to harm, belittle or oppress but rather to wake up. I love the wild and wonderful construct of conversation and how it can lead to a place of unknown with surges of inspiration weaved through the topic; whirlwind of emotions fly out as each topic is reviewed, absorbed and projected back out with a "YEAH YEAH YEAH" or a "What What What???"... I find it interesting how we can become offended due to the attachments we can have to our thoughts, actions and feelings. We think our thoughts, act our actions and feel or feelings; however, I do not think we are meant to be forever tied down to these concepts. I get the impression that we are building towards something and all of the tools we cultivate lead us a little closer to the top! I just don't believe we are expected to take everything we have accumulated with us because: 1. It is too freaking heavy 2. We can only carry so much and 3 When we get to where we are going we are probably not going to need all the bullshit. To Live, To Learn and to Let Go. Take what you have too, donate what you can and be open to the idea's of others.... they may provide the golden nugget you've been looking for. ----Russell Brand is on to something!
Red, Brown, Yellow and Green: the colours of fall are upon us. Foggy mornings, misty afternoons, visible breath and arm warmers are the way of the day! Man, I love this time of year. The time when layers upon layers are pure comfort... when staying at home to watch movies and bake cookies feels like the escape and when warm drinks are forever drinkable! The torrential downpour of chestnuts corrupt the city and the smell of spice hits the air. I know summer is amazing, but autumn is just brilliant. The ability to see the fog of your breath and smell the dampness of the earth is just too cool.... remembering the days of being little and feeling super bad ass as you smoked your invisible cigar while pretending to be an actor of your own adult future! I still pretend I am smoking that imaginative cigar... it just goes down sooooo smooth, how could you not?! The puddles glimmer from the reflections from the cars racing home, the day turns to night quicker and quicker while an understanding that pumpkin is within our grasps over the next few months repeats like a mantra. Hibernation is in the air people! Time to celebrate the slow and restfulness of the season... build a fort, drink a latte, laze about in your pajama's... not everyone in the world experiences a full blown fall so take advantage of it, roll about in the murkiness of the maple leaves: get in touch with your dirty side!
Experiencing the feeling of gratitude and thankfulness after gorging on a delicious meal surrounded by characters and loved ones is absolute sweetness. Not to say the whole dinner is capitalized on love, manners and sweet talk but rather full of teasing, fun and continued roles... I now understand that there are some people in my life that bring the "not so bright" Amber and it does not matter how much time has elapsed I will always fall back to 'wrong word, strange comments and confused looks' type of character. I guess the important thing is the ability to be okay with where you stand. As long as you know there is a game playing it is not really a game but a choice... and sometimes it is just more fun to play along. I love it when everything is life makes sense and there is the comfort of knowing that all is exactly where it is meant to be. I have come to accept that fairness is not always about being equal and being equal is not about being the same. There is no possible way that life is going to work itself out the same way as your best friends and there is no way you are going to be fated to the same existence as your family. Situations may play out and paths may be easier to follow but that does not mean we have to take the same route; that is like saying, "well because that happened to my great great great great uncle obviously the same thing is going to happen to me"..... what?! what the hell does that mean??? You are trying to tell me that because something happened to someone in your blood line 80 plus years ago that you are doomed or righted to the same situations and opportunities as that person? No way!! So much has changed in 80 years alone that the environmental factors are going to create other variables to a somewhat similar situation. Blame is effortless......... and messy. I don't know about you but I sure do enjoy a tidy reality.. I love knowing where I am at, where my shoes are, who I can count on and that I have no one to blame but myself. That way I can only be frustrated with me! Because I know there is something I can do about it. For instance I can put my keys in the same place everyday, fold my socks up together, always have cereal in my cupboard and laugh when shit gets difficult because "This too shall pass." ....... Well.... one thing that really gets me going is the air-plane mode on a mobile phone... I mean if the pilot says have the phone off... Have it off!! Otherwise I may loose my shit and the other guy is to blame.
To fully come to grasps with reality can be overwhelming... not necessarily exhausting, but a definite sense of intensity can overcast the epiphany. It amazes me that there are two sides, and two very valuable sides, to every situation. I don't understand how one person can be unnerved by another while the other is just as rightly annoyed for very valid reasons. It makes no sense.. just like how two negatives magically make a positive. The interesting thing is that there are copious realities occurring with millions of differing opinions that include personalized attachments... which give each opinion a life force and momentum of it's own. Have you ever noticed how you can just start talking, not even really knowing what you are talking about, and words keep coming out that make complete sense...compelling words that contain such passion that you yourself are a bit stunned and curious as to what you will say next? Like, where the hell does that crap come from? Listening to the ramblings of the mind can be an eye opening predicament. For instance, what if you don't fully agree with this new found thought that erupted from your mouth.... do you play along with it and pretend as though you stand by "it"? Feeling as though there should be a sense of ownership and entitlement that must be accompanied with the skew of words that fell from your face? Or do you just confess to the outstanding amount of bullshit that graciously left you dumb founded and confused? Or are you meant to stand there in silence never stating your opinion or thought for fear that it may be rejected or offensive. I have no clue what the "right" answer is. All I can really say is that this world will constantly surprise me, I will continuously surprise myself and others will provide a whirlwind of amazement... and to be completely honest I am excited to hear what shit comes tumbling out of my mouth!
