It's Okay.

There are mornings when I sit here thinking about the thoughts I had yesterday and trying to determine the relevance that they had at all. I am stuck in situations where I have to let go the feeling of attachment I have to an outcome that I had previously determined. Sometimes no plan is the best plan - I think that when we outline a plan or future goal we are self soothing, making ourselves comfortable with the unknown, which makes sense - it serves a purpose. 

The issue is when this plan becomes cemented into our path, when we are unaware of the other options or when we look at others like a villain who is trying to hinder us from our perceived destination. I am not saying that there are not people out there that will obstruct our path, because there are, but we do have the ability to recognise these "red flags" and hopefully avoid the shit storm that comes with them. 

I have found that if a person becomes trapped in this chaotic shit fest sometimes the best solution is just to let them talk, let them relay all their information, observations and judgements - that way you have a clearer view of the path in front of them and the potholes that may exist. 

It may come across that, when speaking to them, someone else is their problem, the blame may get shifted into your direction, their energy may be directed at you - but if we are able to visualize a protective barrier between "us and them" we may develop a bit more compassion to the healing they need. 

They say hurt people hurt people and I always wondered why would the hurt want to cause more pain? It can be said that we learn from our environment and we repeat what we see but I am also interested in the Envy and Jealousy that surrounds these actions. 

Envy: the feeling of wanting what someone else has. Jealousy: the feeling of being afraid of losing what one already "has". When we break down each of these feelings it seems to me to come down to fear. Fear of not being enough in comparison to someone or something else: an idea, status, love, admiration or whatever we feel we want or entitled to. I wonder if it is not so much about building ourselves up to these idealized measures but, rather, accepting what we really are while giving this realization more compassion. 

Why do we get upset when others are cruel to others but the toxic language we can feed ourselves is allowed? Why is it that we will allow others toxic behaviour to impede our own self thoughts? And why do we find it so hard to let go of those situations that cause us pain? Sometimes, I feel like it comes down to an idea that we have to accept everything about everyone otherwise we are not being "good" enough. 

I have come to realize that this is a pretty intense expectation to lay on yourself or other people. We can respect that everyone has the right to learn to live life in their way, but that does not mean we have to accept everything they do and to be okay with their actions. We can say goodbye, we can say no, we can say I don't want too but I think what we need to look at is: Why are we saying these things? Are we trying to teach them a lesson or are we trying to create boundaries.

I guess that is a question I need to ask myself - are we learning or am I being told what to do? Am I sharing with you or am I telling you what to do? When it comes down to it, we are all students that have teaching abilities - it is up to us to see our lesson and to share the experience, but if someone isn't ready for the test don't set them up to fail. Life has an interesting way of showing you who's boss.