Shame Shame Go Away.

I never really thought about the issues surrounding a "love" perspective or had acknowledged the upset that it can cause in other people if what you are saying is considered predictable. I did not recognize how infuriating this can be to people and to be honest, there is a part of me that says: "Well, it works for you when you agree with me, but it looks like today is not one of those days." 

Then the view I have becomes the enemy, it becomes the place of not understanding, of not picking the right side, of having to "should" care more about the issue at hand. But to create a conversation around the issues at hand without being emotionally triggered is a difficult task. 

I noticed that even among the barrage of comments I feel a need to explain that I am not always love, that I do get angry, that I do have a voice - but because I may not use it like you doesn't mean that it is not coming from the same place: a place of fear, a place of sadness and a place of stalemate. 

What do we do, how do you address issues that seem to be so far out of our control? 

One step at time. Or as my Dad might say: One breath at a time.

I truly believe that the more we address our own inner shit - the stuff that rolls around the darkness getting all muddy and start to dive down into the depths of entitlement, the better chance we have of making a decision that will positively affect all of us. 

I am not a big believer in blame. I know it exists and that we are all capable of it but I don't think it does anything other than walk us around the same circle we are already in, while at the same time carving into the ground a path for more of us to follow. 

To combat blame we need to be accountable. Accountable to our mistakes, accountable to others, accountable to our actions, beliefs, words and whatever else we attach too.  We all have the right to speak our truth and others have the right to think we are speaking shit - but when it comes down to it we need to respect that all of us have a voice, as different as they may be. This does not mean we are going to like what everyone has to say - but that is the point. 

In the chaos of word war and emotional triggers, hopefully, we can develop an ability to communicate with the people around us to get to the core of what we are all saying and see if what we are saying resonates with each other or not: at which point we have a stronger point of reference to act.

To dismiss someones perspective because you may believe that you know what that person is going to say is dangerous. This is assuming that you are already ahead of that persons emotional, intellectual and physical processing and you know what - there may be times you are right, so enjoy it when you are, but sometimes you may be surprised to hear what that person is going to say. 

If we talk about the dark vs the light - we need both.... and in between this space of dark and light lives neutrality: the space in which transformation begins - acting as our internal boundary: Respect. 

We may not like what everyone has to say, or the vibe they have, or the angle they are coming from but we need to hear them first before we attack. 

Ultimately, I see it as a fear of being wrong, we become so caught up in our views that we need them to be right for us to be alright. We are human, we are not perfect. If we are "wrong" we can change our mind, accept the consequences and approach things differently - I guess the issue sits in the space of shame: that painful feeling of humiliation. The more we look the more we can make. 

If coming from a love view has taught me anything it is I wont be brought to hating.

How do you say it.

Recently, I asked someone if when they are speaking does it feels like they are dancing? The question alone got me excited as I felt for the first time, in awhile, I had accurately articulated what it feels like for me when I experience a verbal rant. I was hopeful that the person asked would respond with a "wow.... that is exactly what it feels like," allowing a connection of "yes.... I found another one." 

No such luck; however, the opportunity to properly express a personal experience was worth it. I never knew that is how I felt until I asked someone else. 

I guess that is where the realism of communication lives: we can speak a lot but what are we trying to say? What words will set us free? and maybe it won't even be words but rather images, sounds, thoughts or feelings that release the block that is hindering our own unknown expansion. 

I often think about communication and get lost in the abundance of languages we speak and the assumptions that speaking the same verbal language would make interactions easier... I get that when trying to clarify the finer details speaking the same verbal sound would make the discussion easier or possibly quicker.... but what I find more and more often is: the less words we have in common the more attention we have to pay to each others presence and feel the atmosphere around the "conversation".  

Most of the time that one feeling, look or energetic force says so much more than any amount of words can novel up. 

This is not to say speaking is unwarranted because if anyone knows me they know I love to speak.... it is the way to release my inner tangents, to follow my thoughts, to see what workings live in the corners of my internal universe while leading my conscious self to understanding my unconscious world that connects to the source of whatever and everything. 

Words, sounds and movement become the personal beat of my inner vibration that for some reason wants to be shared. Not everyone is going to like the beat of every particular song- but when we give space, to all sorts of expression, we are given a glimpse to the variety of human perspective and that is what makes each dance unique.

Get Back Eating.

In amongst the daily questions and observations of everyday living there come those random insights that teach us the core lesson of our personal path. 

I mean, I don't know for sure but I definitely recognize that in the most intense moments a truth of clarity sets perspective. It isn't always the answer we may want but it seems to be a rule we can live by. We meaning I. 

I have realized that having people on podiums only tells yourself that you are below someone else and when you give that power away their reactions, actions or views can skew you. 

I notice that when I have relinquished my personal power I am less able to communicate clearly what I want, I become nervous about what may be said and ultimately I am afraid of being rejected or not accepted into this group I have made superior in my own mind. 

People fall off podiums, people make mistakes and we are all existing in this existence understanding as we move along. 

Admire the traits and paths of others, appreciate the beauty of others, support the good vibes that are being expelled and accept that that shit lives in you also - bring yourself to the table that everyone is eating at and if you don't like what is being served, no problem.

Outward bound in.

Leaving the comforts of your own home brings you to finding your center. You realize what is important to you, what you can do without and what you hope for... but sometimes it leads you to wondering what you really want at all. It makes you curious to the point of everyday life - working to pay the bills, sleeping to be refreshed for the day and on a constant search for food. 

Makes me think about the hunter gathers of the world and the need to secure daily sustenance. I have found that when a person has to pay for water you become very aware of the realities of access to water and how some of us are very fortunate to never have to worry about accidentally drinking the water from the tap.  

We seem to be on our own journey, wherever we are, trying to make sense of the time we have and to use the daylight as it seems fit - some of us may live moment to moment accepting each second as it is, others may be searching for the finish line that tells us we have completed something... anything. Some of us may use the time we have to create connections, to share a message or to just be. 

I never really know where I am going but there seems to be this internal compass that leads me to places I just understand. I find the message somewhere in the madness or possibly I make the message somewhere from the madness... creating purpose to my existence. 

It is apparent that no matter who we are or where we come from we are trying to survive in the environment we are in - some of us may carry an enthusiasm for life, while others are not so ecstatic... and to be honest some of the hands we have been dealt are not always the winning hand but, man, some of us sure can bluff our way through it. 

I think I admire that most - making the hand we want out of the shit we have been left with. If life is lived through the perception of what we believe it to be, I will continue to see it for what it is - a whole mess of something, with a lot of material objects made from nature. We all come back to earth one way or another.

Broken Fences.

Walking about and absorbing the rays of sunshine is absolutely awesome. Getting in tune with the vibrations of life and seeing the connection of energy between the sun, animals and plants is pretty interesting. 

I noticed a group of cows collect the last of the midday sun on their faces and as the peak of the warmth had turned to it's decline, the cows turned around and let the last of the rays hangout on their backs. It was pretty cute - understandable, but cute none-the-less. Each cow spent sometime on their own but collectively enjoyed their space together and walked "home" as a group. It made me think about slowing down and seeing the spirit in everything that exists. 

We have reasons for what we do and a lot of time they are logical decisions. We chase the energies we seek and we distance ourselves from the energy that depletes us. 

I think about comfort and what that actually means. I wonder if comfort correlates to the safety we feel in known situations... I wonder if we feel safe in unsafe situations because we are aware of what to expect? Then I think just because we have an understanding of what can happen does not mean we are "safe" in that "comfortable" situation. 

There are moments that exist to flare up as a flag signaling "this may not be what you think it is" and it is important to listen to those moments. To really listen and hear what your insides are saying is an observation of it's own: we may feel like we have to consider so many factors - past, present, future, mental, spirit, emotional - and we may..... but first we need to listen. 

We need to pay attention to what is going on around us and inside of us to fully grasp the overload of data that is coming our way, while at the same time try to listen to the observations others are having. We may not like to hear what they have to say but, at the same time, we may be provided invaluable insight to an array of possibilities that we may have been unable to see. 

Inside of ourselves we know what feels right and we know when something is off: games will be played but we are not pawns. We are the kings and queens, princesses and pirates of our own vibrations - enjoy the highs and learn from the lows, people may try to play you but if you know you know and sometimes that is all you need to know. Kick up the dirt, soak up the sun and then let the light show you the path home.

Time Change.

Remembering what brings a person peace is a wonderful remembering - it is like how did that thought ever become forgotten, where was it hiding and what made it resurface? Most of the time life makes no sense, but you can tell when it is feeling right. I wonder if that is an evolutionary byproduct of survival - when the moment is too calm, the instinct inside of us tells us to wait it out just a few more moments. 

It seems like when the mind gets distracted, focused, fixated or intrigued, moments take on a new meaning - time becomes our currency. I have never really understood the logic of money, seeing as, it is either paper, coins or digits... but  the power that is can have is indescribable. 

Money is a symbol, an exchange of something tangible for something tangible: an agreement of "I want this for that." It allows us to move around, travel, buy things and to show what we support. We can horde it, loathe it, love it, spend it, give it away and avoid it; regardless, it is an energy that circulates the world we are living in. 

What we can do for this concept is consuming. The idea that money makes us happy is a strange one. I think money makes us however we are. I don't believe that happiness is a forever state of being but rather a point in which we have the ability to access - the pressure to maintain to "that place" is a hard standard to meet, especially, daily. 

If all of a sudden a person won thousands of dollars I can see that as a happy moment, but is that because of the money or because it is a positive surprise? If we had as much money as we wanted forever and always, wouldn't we come back to ourselves and rediscover the areas that needed a bit more healing just the same as if we didn't have cash in the first place? 

It seems like a valid point of reference to position unhappiness on the shoulders of having a lack of cash flow but what is the real truth in that? Ultimately, we are all trying to survive in whatever position we are in and having access to our basic needs is a universal human right... which shouldn't be confused with money in the first place.

I truly feel that I am living in a vortex that wants me to believe that I am not enough until I meet certain unattainable criteria that will let me know that I have arrived to that "special place" by opening it's golden doors, while presenting its marble floors and promising an eternity of feeling full - and all I have to say to that is: I ain't buying that shit, I like being barefoot.

All Yours.

It is hard to let go. Let go of hopes, fears, control, expectations - you name it, it is probably hard to let go of. It doesn't seem to matter how toxic, how damaging or how unpredictable it may be "it" can be very hard to let go of. 

I notice, that more often than not, what is hard to let go of are really the things we need to detach from. It is not as though we are like: "Oh wow, this is a really beautiful relationship I have going on here - I think I better let go of that." Generally speaking, we accept a good thing that is going on even if we may become fearful that it may end... and that is what we need to "let go" of - the fear... but it seems like we attach to that fear with our finger tips clawing in. 

I don't understand why we put more energy into what we don't want to happen then what we are actually consciously craving. I guess that brings us to what our unconscious is craving, and the depths of what we actually believe our personal self-worth to be. On the outside we may present as solid, confident, honest and accepting but it could really be a deflection from the soft, self-conscious, defiant and protective part of ourselves. None of these traits by the way are "bad" we just need to be aware of where we are working from. 

The question is: When and how do we wake up to that our inner reality? Especially, when no matter what anyone says, we know that whatever is lurking below is going to be painful to remove. I wonder if looking at pain without assuming it is going to be unbearable will allow us to be more prepared for it. 

Pain is going to be uncomfortable, it is going to hurt but maybe at the same time it will wake us up - wake us up to what is really important to us, how we really feel and show us that we are strong enough to make it through. I think that it is important to understand that not all of us want that journey or sometimes we cant be bothered to tap into what has been buried away - realizations are an intense thing. 

Things we thought we knew change, relationships we had take on new meaning and we get new insight into something that looked one way for a long time and those realizations can be tough shit to get through. Once we see we can't un-see. We can try to cover the new truth with our blanket of denial but to be honest we may need time to grieve our attachments to what we thought we knew. 

The longer I am around the more and more I feel I am connecting to this focus point that is within me but lives outside of myself - it doesn't logically make sense but I feel it. I see that all I can really do is to be here and be there for people. The hardest part about people is loving them and loving them enough to know that they are going to experience their life. I can try to protect people as much as I want but, ultimately, I am protecting myself from the fear of what could be and there is no guarantee. 

It seems to be that in life, in love and in relationships of any kind we need to be present, be truthful and be to be as honest as we can about the facts, our feelings and about our observations but accept that we can not control an outcome without force - and forcing someone is taking away their right to their choice. 

Take a stance for you, your life, your accountability and your actions - lead by example; however, to expect everyone else to follow suit you are going to have to accept that that may not be what they want to do. Let go the feeling of responsibility of someone else's life - they are the best person to live it.