Undisclosed Ending

When we think of life I would say most of us think about what life is going to look like, where we are going to be, how we are going to acquire what we want.... What do we want? I am perplexed by this constantly. 

It is hard for me to figure out what clothes I like and mostly I wait for what I acquire or what is handed to me because I can make that work. To make a decision is so hard - and at times pointless. I feel like we make opportunities but ultimately we are going to end up somewhere we were not really expecting in the first place. We may end up in the general atmosphere of where we were hoping but I think we underestimate the climate. 

Life is wild, people are wild and the planet is our habitat to understand the complexities of these interactions. There will always be the predator, there will always be the fight to claim a territory and there will always be the opportunity to explore. This may not relate itself into the physical form, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally or consciously this battle will occur. 

I recently watched a documentary that showed mountain goats living on sheer cliffs, claiming that space with their utmost ability. Completely capable and elegant as they did their thing living and surviving. What I found interesting was: the cliffs were the place these goats evolved too and from and this was mainly due to safety - which made me think. We are all animals, we are all seeking safety and the safer we are the more we can grow and own our space. 

Danger will always be there, the chance that we may not survive is part of the daily equation; however, the safer we feel, the safer we are, the more we are able to create the relationships that allow us to experience the joy in life. No matter what happens we will experience the journey we are on through: sadness, strength, optimism, realism, escapism or suffering but, I truly feel that, the more settled we feel the better we can survive the journey we are traveling. 

Life will never be easy, but it is something that will be lived. The next chapter is the topic we as people need to discus a bit more as it is something we will all reach. It is okay to be afraid, apprehensive, curious, angry, ready or all of the above - none of us really know how life and death will affect us and that is okay.

Watching the Flow of It

I don't know about you but I definitely know that for me there are times when the soft tone of enchantment gets to me and not in a way that makes me want to rush forward but, actually, retreat back into myself. I wonder sometimes if "that sound" the whisper of "oh breath in and expand your beauty" even makes any sense at all. I am confused, as to the meaning of the sentiment, but at the same time I completely understand. I am not too sure if it is a disbelief that I hold an inner beauty or if I find it cringe-worthy to admit that it lives somewhere deep inside of me. On the other hand I find it so easy to see that beauty in other people... even if I am triggered by the words that come out of their mouth. 

I wonder sometimes if words are tricks or if they are actually the true intention of the message someone is trying to get across. I guess it can be both. There will always be the cryptic messages and there will also exist the blunt forced blow of words that leave you gobsmacked. Those moments of latter live for good while in my head. I may remember the essence of the soft winded angelic whisper of love as it breezes over my mind but trust me.... I will remember the words of a blunt forced fixed idea. That shit is intense. It will wake a person up. 

In those moments I can not decide whether to argue my point, listen to the other point or just stand back as a third person and witness the interaction that is happening between myself and the other. I have these internal conflicts where I question my reasoning for arguing, wondering if that it is just a way to let my ego survive or if it is my duty of Human Care to stand up to the atrocities that I feel are coming out of a persons mouth. It is a real dilemma for me. 

I realize though time and time again you can not call a person an asshole unless they believe they are an asshole. If a person believes what they are saying is "The Truth" I think it may be better to listen and share your observations with the people around you in hopes to gain an insight on objectivity. If science is about creating experiments to identify an outcome, personal interaction is the experiment I will continue to experience. People say the weirdest shit sometimes. 

The more rules that a person creates to engage in the interaction they want to experience the more control they are demanding of that interaction. I am willing to take part in the observational aspect of the "controlled test" but to me that does not identify the floating variables. If one of the first rules of science is to tolerate uncertainty - who knows what the real answer is anyways?

Full of It.

Lost in words, thoughts and symbols. Trying to understand the feeling associated with a thought and an action without attaching to the fear of the reason. For those of us lucky enough to have time to think about our inner worlds, the stream of questions never seems to end. I feel that if we are not living in a moment of crisis - concerned about the basics of shelter, food, water and life - we are provided the space to work on the inner conflict. Smoothing out the waters that flow beneath the everyday. The current that leads us through the everyday.

You take away the immediate crisis and something lurks. The hope is that hope is the base on which everything is building. Hope is the seed that plants in our deepest thoughts - living among the fears that speak to us with a quiet reminder that things can change. To hope that hope still exists is hope within itself - relative optimism. Around me I can hear low vibrations of conversation and I can't help but try to interrupt the frequency with a surge of "but when's". It must become irritating when a person is lost in their desperation to have an outsider perk in with a perceived "optimism" or at times what others my see as a "delusional positivity" but what else can we do? I understand the importance to recognize people where they are at and to acknowledge their individual experience.... but I will not enable the darkness to solidify.

I do not feel that it is optimism that we are seeking but rather we are holding onto a hope that things can change. If the only thing constant in life is change then change is bound to happen and based on that I hope our despairs lift so we can see the world we are all living in.

I feel that everything is a reflection of polar opposites, to such a degree, that the opposite of one action may seem small and insignificant but as you pull your view further and further away you see the connections of the small things leading to the larger things. If we can master the observational standpoint of our thoughts and feelings while being accountable to the part we play in our own life we will have a chance to make it through.... Hopefully.

The Theme

 The worldly acceptance that a new date brings new beginnings, a fresh start - a redo, when really it is a continuation. A milestone to continue doing what you are doing or alter your course. I like to create themes: a focal point on what I would like to develop further, something to be more aware of something to direct my energy too.. becoming witness to the way I interact on a daily basis. 
 Unconditional love is the theme of development. Loving what "is" for what it is and recognizing that whatever "it" is is carving out it's own experience. I see that there are times that I want to encourage people in a certain direction, that I feel their life can be fuller if they experience A B or C.... but just because I may feel that something has a certain benefit, it does not mean the other person has to explore that option. Information without intent but rather information for the sake of informing - providing a resource that can be utilized whenever or if that person finds it for them-self.  Unconditional love sees that through someones journey all we need to do is be there, in mind, body and understanding. I accept you for you and I accept you for who you are becoming and who you will be. It may not mean that we will "like" everything that a person does and that is okay.. it is not about judging but rather to discern. 
 When it comes to redoing something I feel that whatever has happened has already occurred so it is about trying again and developing from where we were, from what we learned and creating an idea of what we would like to see... all the while letting go of expectations! Hahahahaha! What!? You mean I can't have expectations? Well, I guess we can have expectations, I have just noticed that expectations can lead to disappointments as there is this underlying message that says: through expectation comes the idea that I will only be satisfied IF "this" happens. Which is kind of shit. 
 In reality so many different outcomes that were unexpected, spontaneous or out of "no where" can create immense Joy. I feel it is important to have hope -  an idea of how you would like to feel rather than what it is intended to look like. To love and to love unconditional is to allow ourselves the opportunity to experience our growth and life while appreciating the journey of those around us - And when you find love in a person for their mind, their heart, their words and their spirit something beautiful happens.. You let go and watch their magic unfold. 
Letting go of control brings a sense of peace and the reminder that we are all alone in this together. Enjoy this now!! (and dance:))

Curve Ball

 Change. That shit can just rock up and turn a world upside down... even with the knowledge that change is inevitable, my goodness can it be painful. Even if a situation does not directly affect you it can affect so many aspects of your life.... and when I say you what I am really saying is me. 
 Questions arise, memories unfold, understanding takes place, latching onto hope and deterioration of fixed ideas begin to unravel and the response to this can be emotional. In moments like these people become human. Families become families and the realization of how much each individual means become highlighted. Everyone is something different to someone else, the title may be the same, but the relationship varies. Neither negative or positive just individual. 
 The amazing thing is that the "core person" is known, their intention is felt and their vibration is understood. I am noticing that when situations change it doesn't mean that everything is falling apart, rather it is a new territory being discovered. I am hopeful that lessons that need to be learned are understood, the messages are heard and hearts will be open and forgiving. 
 Each and every one of us has the power to be ourselves and sometimes that is daunting task but in the end that is all we can ever be. The more we understand who we are and what means what to us the more we can be the truth that we seek. As life changes around us, we may not have control but we have the option to be who we are to the people around us. I am thankful that the people in my life are the toilet paper to my verbal diarrhea. 

Uncomfortable Inspiration

 Honour yourself. I had no idea what this meant for the longest time, I mean I could understand the image-or the idea that we are all living beings in need of accepting ourselves- but honouring ourselves?? What the hell. So many words, so many concepts, so many ideas that seem similar enough to the next that one may be dismissed. 
 My mind becomes racked from time to time... then that moment occurs where the distinction between the word settles in. Oh. I see how this works. It comes so unexpectedly and intertwined with a recent experience that the experience becomes the catalyst. A moment of empathy is lived and the understanding of why a phrase or a meaning or an idea came to be in the first place. There is a reason.
 Back to the point: Honouring yourself. It could be seen as accepting yourself, listening to yourself, being aware of how you feel, understanding the reasons why you may be experiencing a particular sensation but it is mildly different. Honouring oneself is the capability to respect the variety of sensations, thoughts and experiences you are going through without trying to alter, change or mind screw them. Those feelings are just as valid as any other one.
 For example.... I find having intense negative feelings towards a person very difficult to handle, if someone belittles me I shrink. If I feel bullied I am intimidated and I try to make the situation light -  I remove myself because I must be the problem. When in all actuality I have just as much right to be existing as anyone else. I find that I repress my "negative" thoughts as I believe they are unkind. Harming someone intentionally is unkind, abusing my power is unkind, emotionally manipulating someone is unkind - Existing is not. To feel  is how we survive and to think is natural... I hope we all take the time to understand our inner lives, it makes for authentic shared world. If you have a "negative" thought it does not mean it is bad or wrong.. it means you had a thought, so honour it, respect it and see it for what it is.. a reaction to a situation that affected you. 
Channel that shit and make a sticky moment into something awesome, then create a beat and dance to it!

Sticky too

 Carrying your life on your back can be heavy sometimes; especially when you have to carry that crap through subway stations, airports, on buses and through crowds of people. I find that I am very much in the moment when I have my back pack and it is rush hour on the underground.. I become very aware of the people around me, the vibes they are shooting out and the heat that is in the space. A piece of advice: stay close to the exit with your back against the wall: this way a pathway is created and consideration of the daily transistor maintained. 
 It is interesting what is important to you when you are packing your bag compared to what is essential when you are on the road.. the two do not necessarily coincide very well.... Time and time again I tell myself minimal is best, is it light, it is easy.. but I never get light enough. Attachment to belongings and memories that they hold can be captivating when trying to sort out the relevance of what is the most useful. I have succumbed to talking to my belongings and thanking them for their time before letting them go. They were good to me, and appreciation is well deserved.
 Advice point 2: Books are awesome,  but knowledge is weighted. The amount of books, journals, and information accumulated over my travels is intense.. there is a part of me that wont allow myself to become fully immersed in the technological world. To have a piece of information in my hands allows me to feel it's truth, but if everything is just a reflection of light, I have found comfort in the illusion. The senses are a wondrous thing. 
 Advice point 3: Look at your adventure as a piece of magic. Magic is unproven science; one day the unexplained may be explained but until then continue being amazed. I know planes fly in a very logical way.... but come on; Logic is messed up!